08OCT2026
Well, to start with, it’s not my actual birthday until tomorrow. Yay tomorrow!! I tend to like looking at the year to see where am I in life and how do I feel about it. This year has been much more challenging than I thought it would be. But I feel like that’s a stupid thing to say. Every year brings its new and different bullshit that we have to deal with and learn to carry on with.
I keep having a hard time with being able to stay on task for things around the house. I feel like I’m just going through motions and not really seeing things very well. I do the dishes I put the laundry away I do little things but none of it makes me want to do life like it once was. I don’t expect life to ever go back to how it felt before but, I also don’t like that life keeps going without my dad in it. There is a very big line in life of before and after.
Nearly 11 months now. I’m shocked how much I still cry on a regular basis. I still have a very hard time listening to my favorite radio station on Pandora. The Beach Boys just gut me every time I hear one of their songs and they are petty frequent fliers on the 60s Rock station that I love.
I feel less inclined to post my life for all to see anymore. I want to share, please dear reader, understand I want to share, but I don’t want to be on social media anymore. And I can’t do that. It’s how I stay in touch with the ones I served with. We may not speak to each other but I’m here in my little porch in the dark cheering them on as their biggest supporter they never knew they had.
20OCT2026
Welp. The birthday was a flop. It came and went and then best part was going home early and hitting both the art supply store and the book store. The run was pretty great up until we got charged by a rather large dog who came out from under the fence. And as I’m screaming “NO!”, and trying to keep that dog from getting my dog the adrenaline rush wasn’t as much fun as I wanted. We had a pretty good run overall. After that we booked it a lot faster to get home and the time frame is still at 1:07 so it’s staying steady for time and distance.
My Ragnar race is coming up now. I need to get my ass in gear and get stuff figured out. The camping part is where I’m struggling. It’s been years since I’ve slept in the dirt. I’ve got a sleeping bag and my yoga mat I can use on the ground, but it’s been a long time since I’ve had to put that much thought into something. And being the team captain, I’m just a little over my head. Like by a lot. I still have to order some fun stuff for decorations and stuff for our outfits and all of that. To be honest, I have one member of the team who is just dead ass silent when it comes to communication and I need her to understand I just need to know that you’re still going to come out for it. And we need to work out logistics for it. Like common, just answer me once in a while. I hope I don’t blow it all.
As far as the idea of a birthday anymore, I’m not so sure I want to celebrate them so much anymore. Birthday sex, still something I like so I’m not too old yet, but, I’m thinking I’m not going to make a huge deal of them like I have before. It’s just another day to everyone else, it’s ok to be just another day for me too. I got the same amount of cards I did last year so I know it’s not a big deal to others. Last year I was pretty devastated from the day, but this year, I’m just over the bullshit.
Do I still want someone to make a deal of it for me, of course I do! I love to be a selfish person and make it all about me, but, it’s not always about me. And I will learn to live with that now. Anyhow, time to move for the day. Yay Tuesday. I have a feeling that Tuesday is really Monday’s ugly step-sister.
Have a great day, dear reader, and if your birthday was a bust for the year, let me know. I can’t be the only one. 🤩❤️😎🏃♀️➡️🤦🏼♀️
