Since I have an iPhone, I get have my photos show me different featured photos that change daily. Usually I will have one from sometime in history on that day, and some are great and others are not so great, but they always get me to smile. Today and yesterday, there were photos of my dad. One from when he retired from the Fire Department and the other was right before my grandma died. It was him and my mom and my grandma, taken only 2 weeks before she died.
I love that my phones gives me little glimpse into the past daily. I see some from my first Rock’N’Roll Race in Phoenix, doing a half marathon, and then some from doing the Tillman Run up here. There are photos of nature, mostly of course, and then there are photos of the dog and the kids and family.
I have been thinking about my dad a lot lately. I miss him a lot. I could really use him many times this last few weeks. I think about him laughing and I think about how he would find humor in everything. I miss hearing him laugh. I listen to my one voice mail that I kept of him and while it’s only a few seconds long, I feel like if I listen to it, I won’t forget what his voice sounded like. I have read that is the first thing you forget is the sound of their voice. I hope that in my mind, I haven’t forgotten what anyone’s voice sounded like…. Well, maybe I have a few people, but who knows.
I am glad that I didn’t blast my job on the internet yesterday when I was feeling upset. Things are trying to be moved around to help me out, so that’s a good sign. However, I’m still trying to figure out how to retire so I don’t have to worry so much about a job. Just life. And the best things that I worry about are all snuggled up next to me. Both of them 🥰❤️
I am still hoping that I will be able to change the time that I go into work to help allow for me to get my runs in in the morning again. I do miss seeing the sunrise and taking all kinds of amazing photos of it. I hope that I will be able to do that a lot in the near future. Also hoping to get the podcast going in the next few months. I keep thinking it would be good if I waited until I have bought the house, but, I don’t know when that will actually happen.
27MAR2026
Nothing…..
11APR2026
It’s been a while. I have been trying to do many things that bring me joy and really, it’s not as easy as it seems it would be. Grief is not something I was prepared for. Especially not like this. Today, I ran the Pat Tilman run in Tempe, where he, Pat, went to school, and played for both the Sun Devils – Arizona State University – and the Arizona Cardinals. There were 30,000 people there. I thought of my dad during the run.
I took the time to really think about him. How much I miss hearing him laugh and how much fun he brought to the lives of everyone he met. I miss giving him a hug. I can say that the last time I saw him, I gave him a really big hug and said, I love you Daddy! … I don’t know how my mom holds it together so well. I know that I would be a total mess and even now, typing this out, I have tears now salting up my freshly cleaned and lotioned face. Oh well.
I got a new phone this week and thought for a few moments that I lost the one voice mail that I had of his. Not sure why I kept that one, but, I still listen to it when I need to hear him. He was super supportive of my running, even ran a few races with me.
29APR2026
The last few days the phone has been giving me little videos of different things instead of the regular featured photos. Today was regular photos, for which I was very glad. One of Piper from three years ago after the opening night of her play, The Sound of Music. She was so adorable. Which got me to thinking about that week specifically.
It’s coming up on an anniversary of a death of a close person. I wish I could take away all the pain that’s been gone through due to it, but I can’t change the past. Things are looking brighter in the future and that’s makes me happy. Not any easier but somehow a little lighter.
The day before that, we had dinner with Kelsie and Carl at Long Wongs. I have a photo of me with Silas sitting on my lap warming our hands. Not sure who took it. But wow, how life change so quickly after those two days, it was a shocker.
Since the death of my dad, I’m seeming to feel a lot more depressed. Rightly so I think. He was such a cool dude and I miss him. I found out what kind of soap he used last week. That took me down for two days mentally and emotionally. It was rough and I didn’t expect that at all. They say scent is the strongest sense tied to memory. One sniff I had to step back for a moment. The second sniff felt like it was the day he died all over again.
It’s time for dinner, and the trip down memory lane to come to a close for the night. Cereal for dinner. I’m going with Honey Nut Chex. Not too sweet but enough.
Night 🙂
The Morning High Runner 