There has been so much going on in my head that it would seem like it would take me a thousand days to get it all down. It’s strange really, I compose an entry almost daily and yet, I never seem to pick up the computer and put it in black and white. I wonder if there is a product that can read my mind when I ask it to and put it in writing… did you ever see the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? Jim Carey, Kate Winslet, Elijah Wood all play a part in this film where a woman is trying to erase the memory of a person. And every time they find a new memory of said person, they don’t seem to want to let go of each other.. He then does the same and they meet again on a bus, and start over with each other… Which makes me think of the movie What Dreams May Come with Robin Williams and today is actually the nine year anniversary of his death. Each year since then, most especially in the last two or three years, I have shed tears over it and I wondered why. Why did this one person’s death have such a profound effect on me? I didn’t know him. It’s not like we traveled in the same circles but why does it do this? I have never shed a tear for any other entertainer. I have been bummed that we lose amazing talent year after year as we all get another year older, but I am not overly tearful when it has happened to other people that I enjoyed watching their films. I digress.. What Dreams May Come was a gut wrenching film that had me in tears five minutes into it. I had to stop it to take out my contacts it was that bad.. Anyhow, a man loses his two children in a car collision. He and his wife are grief-stricken. He then dies in a a car collision or something and goes to this amazing place. Not really heaven but something amazing and wonderful. It’s an afterlife place of sorts. The other side if you will. He then learns that at some point, his wife commits suicide. He is determined to find her and bring her back from a place of no peace, of no happiness, nothing but dark and lonely forever… Well not entirely dark, think of a rainy day in the afternoon. When it’s nearly 1600 in the afternoon and it’s not the summer but not the fall yet so it’s a tiny bit chilly outside. And it’s bleak outside and it’s going to have you in tears so quickly. Grab a box of tissues for that one. But it’s so worth it. And you know how there seems to be a lot of movies that have been touching on the concept of reincarnation. I have noticed a few Disney movies that have given some interesting ideas on souls and where do they come from. What a thought though. Reincarnation. I have a feeling we find the same souls over and over again. I have had a few times where I have met someone and I know that I know them. But I don’t know where. I feel like that’s a moment in life when you find a soul you knew before somehow and the connection is fuzzy but slight enough to throw you off your rocker. Or to have flashbacks from a different life of the two of you in another time and place, as fighters not lovers. It’s such a wild ride to meet people like that. I’ve met a few people like that. I knew them at a different time. I have been thinking about the Navy a lot lately. Could be because reading/ listening to three different books about being a sailor?? I wonder?? First, I’m listening to a book by Admiral McRaven, narrated by Admiral McRaven called Sea Stories.. Wonder what he’s talking about. The next one I’m reading at lunch time at my desk is called It’s Your Ship by Captain D. Michael Abrashoff about leadership and what it means to be a good leader to your people. Ethics and stuff. The third book is called Two Years Before the Mast by Richard Henry David Jr. and it’s about him embarking as a sailor on a merchant marines ship for two years in a year I can’t remember at this time and the book is upstairs next to the bed and Thomas is in bed because he doesn’t feel good so I don’t want to go up there to be around his sick germs. I hate that he doesn’t feel good though. Means I can’t play with him. And while I was just vaccinated for my booster and I will be getting my flu shot this year, like always, I don’t want to get sick. I will love him from afar right now. From the safety of the couch downstairs. I can sometimes feel the breeze coming through the window with a light mist from the drizzle of the rain and I have the sound of rain on the tv with black screen so it’s not distracting… What’s on my mind.. Or better yet, what’s not on my mind?
Morning walk last weekMorning walk today
IF you’ve stayed with me this long dear reader, you can clearly see that my thought pattern isn’t exactly straight. Compound that with having to do work and get things done at home, work on the business and be a good parent, and work hard at my job, and try not to say stupid things at work, there is a lot on my mind and it’s a bit chaotic in there. As you can see by the date, I haven’t pulled the computer out for a while, but I did today. It’s the perfect day with Thomas not feeling good. I can listen to what I need to and concentrate on a few things that I tend to put off as often as I can.
A girl and her new toy
Yesterday I sat in the swing and talked to Thomas about some of the ideas for the business. It’s always a long conversation when we sit out back and talk. We say we are going to leave and do what ever errands need to be done at 8 in the morning and by 11 we are out the door. I was thinking about how to do some of the things we want to be able to market our product using animation. About a 30 second clip and that’s going to take some time. However, as we talked about last night, if I can spend an hour every night working on this, when we need it in six months, I will be somewhat proficient in the use of whatever animation platform that works that best. So far all I have found is that Procreate is one of the bests.. and it’s only made for iPad with the Apple Pencil. Or the iPhone. My phone is not a good enough size to really do much with that. So we then talked about other options as well. I have so many things to work on with the company that I needed to take a moment and get my thoughts down on paper.. in black and white? Whatever it is.. I want this to work and so I know that I have to put in my part of it too. So that’s what I’m doing here. Unless I find a donor who wants to give me said items so that I may do what I’m thinking would be a lot of fun and will be priceless when it comes to what we are trying to convey.
And then I told him that my plan was to spend the time daily and he asked when I was going to do that since we were already looking at 7.30 or so. I told him this was our hour long meeting about where are we going with the next steps. I’m excited for this creation. I am so hopeful that someone will want to buy it or license it. It really is a game changer. Fingers crossed.
Monday now. That was from Friday. Once again I open my computer and see that my document is still open. I hit the save draft button, it saves it no problem. I finish my thoughts and then hit save and it won’t save. Ah.. but this is why I spend the money on this was to be able to copy and paste.. So I tried to open a new pages entry and I x’ed out of this page altogether before I could copy and paste it.. UGH!!
Love black and white photos of the clouds
Today’s hour was dedicated to writing and finishing this entry. I have slacked for a long time waiting until the last minute to create something that I will look at and say, you know you didn’t do your best.. You didn’t give it your all, so with practice, that’s what I’m rolling with. Finishing thoughts and journal entries.
I have been making sure to exercise daily, and with Piper home, we walk three days a week together. Since they didn’t have school today, it was Navajo Code Talker Day, we decided to walk tomorrow. And I thought I had been doing good with food choices. I have even added a weight supplement for my slow metabolism to get it all working together.. Yeah, I gained 3 stone. I am shocked and saddened by this. I will lose it again. I didn’t eat ice cream, I have gone back to eating grapefruit. Double peel it and it’s such a wonderful fruit, with a bright flavor. Also, going with tea for a while for evening drinks. No biscuits for me, just the tea. I guess bodies are made in the kitchen. We shall see. I even walk or run lots.. I love to run, though with my hip out the last week, it’s hurts quite a lot. My back is popping even now, let’s hope the hip goes with it too.
Ok.. Now I’m tired. Have to get up early for my walk with Little Goose. We leave around 5 am.. Yay! What a Feeling!! Good night~
Since I started to run, on the anniversary of the twin towers falling, I have been able to take the day and reflect and lose myself in my thoughts. I tend to make this day and Veteran’s Day a long run if possible. However, after my first real injury, I am unable to do that for 9/11. I try to stay off of social media for the day as well and focus my energies somewhere else. Like my family.
One of the last long runs I did before hurting myself
I came across a post from years back, I love the memories section in Facebook, and it talked about 9/12. How unified we were as a country, how much we wanted to take revenge for the nearly 3000 souls that were taken from us far too soon. How it effected every day life for all of us. I wanted to talk about that day….
On the day of the events that would shape the next four years of my life, I was just out of boot camp for the Navy. We were on a break from class, it was called Mech Core. For all of the mechanical engineers going into the fleet with a designated field dealing with main propulsion. Mine was Engineman. I was sitting in class, talking to someone, and Bruce runs into our classroom and says someone drove a plane into the world trade center. What?! As we all sat in shock for a moment, I’m sure we either blew it off or where more of mind blown 🤯 kind of thing. Then our instructor runs into the class and turns the TV on to any channel at that point. And there it was. Live television. Time seemed to stand still, and then we watched as the second plane hit the other building.
It was so very surreal. I can remember it and yet, there are parts of it that my little sister remembers that I don’t recall any of. We were marched to lunch that day to the galley as every civilian was told to leave base. I don’t remember much from that day. Lexi says that we were able to meet up and call our parents that night. It was living in a dream of some sorts. I knew that when they announced we were on class Delta lockdown, that my life, and those all around me, would never be the same again.
Love this scene in Mad Max!
The following day, 9/12, it seemed that the entire country was ready to go to battle al la Mad Max: Fury Road.. the new one with Tom Hardy and Charlize Theron…. The part where they were all chasing all of the females, that’s what it seemed like. That sense that the world was going to let loose what no one wanted to see angered. The United States. We were with it. Women and men alike joined the military in droves. Even my recruiter was all up and arms about going to war with these motherfuckers!! Flags were flying in every place that you could fly one. There were all kinds of people reaching out to their neighbors, uniting as a whole. Hatred for each other was greatly outweighed for those fuckers who dared strike on our own territory!!! Even the president got on the TV and gave some kind of rousing speech. It was scary because I knew that we were going to war, and I’m most likely to be assigned to a ship and then go to a war zone, but I was shocked how many seemed to embrace one another in love and camaraderie. We, for a brief moment in time, could truly call ourselves, The United States.
My first ship during Fleet week in New York 2001
Days gave way to weeks and weeks gave way to years. We have come and gone, and our leaving those countries was just as horrific as our going into those places. I didn’t pay that much attention to politics while I was in the military. I simply took my orders and did what we needed to do. And if that meant back to back deployments with less than 45 days notice (which happened on two of the three deployments I had), then that’s what it took. Those times were hard, but, we loved the people who were beside us. Even the ones we didn’t like, we were still in it together. And to be honest, I would have been proud to give my life to save the ones I served with. Even the ones I didn’t like. And if you’ve served, you understand. If not, then I think you truly missed out on that kind of togetherness.
Each year on 9/11 my princess, Judi, posts a speech our captain gave when we joined the U.S.S. Rosevelt in our pursuit of ‘the enemy’. It’s a long speech, and it’s beautiful. It breaks my heart when I read it and I often wonder how so many can keep a stiff upper lip when reading this. I’ll post it some other time… The years have come and gone since that day. Many people have talked about that day, what it means to them. Where were they when they heard the news? What were you doing? Very similar to how you can ask people about where were you when you heard that Kennedy was shot, and they will give an exact recount of those moments when they heard that news.
Now days, I often wonder if this country will self destruct from the inside out. We are so divided as a country, and I wonder how can I leave this world a better place for my kids and my grandkids, and the truth is, I don’t think it’s going to end well. I hope I’m wrong, and I hope that good wonderful amazing things will happen to strengthen our bonds as a country and come together in both ideologies and concerns. I wish I could say that it’s not going to be something out of a fictitious book, but I can’t.
Many writers have captured what they think our dystopian future will look like. I watch V for Vendetta and I wonder if that’s a foreshadowing of a fictitious world, that isn’t too far off from what seems to be our inevitable destiny. I can say with all certainty that I don’t see how we would ever truly become so united, not just as a country, but as a world, to come up and be able to build such a truly amazing self sustaining space ship where we get to visit other planets and the like. I want to say that it would be amazing if that was the case. However I feel we are heading towards more of a Handmaids Tale kind of future. Sad, but true. I don’t have that kind of hope for a better future… Or if you prefer, a Cloud Atlas kind of future.. That would be my other guess… Who knows, all I know is, I miss the days when we smiled at each other, and thought that just for a brief moment in time, we could be united.
For today’s edition of revisiting old thoughts and finishing them, we will look at that one time, when protesters took over the capital building. And then thoughts on it now. I had strong feelings the day after it happened, which is when this was written. I still have strong feeling on it. The goal on revisiting old thoughts is to get one finished once a week. I have 11, including this one. Only ten more weeks to go and then more random thoughts about running and the occasional interludes about politics. and other ramblings.. which are thoughts that I tend to have while running in the morning. So, it works. Anyhow, there were only two corrections to the first part of this blog, both just needed better words due to too many redundancies. It is a bit scattered in the latter part. My mind is racing these days, I need a break 🙂
This is how it started
January 7, 2021
I was impressed with myself this morning for managing to get out of the house and go run. My head was not in the right space and it was most wonderful. I should have left the house a lot sooner than I did and as it would happen, I really needed that full 30 minutes to really get the endorphins going. And, as a result, my mood for the better part of the day was less than stellar. I feel like I should be taking my medicine before I get to work, and instead, it’s sat in my purse all day, and I have only just taken them since getting home today.
As I sit here, I can feel the effects of my meds kicking in and my brain tingles a bit and I can feel myself breathing a little easier. My body isn’t as tense and I’m relaxing into the keyboard as I get ready to get myself a nice bowl of chocolate ice cream. Tillamook Chocolate Mudslide.. if there is any left that is. And my bowl of which I speak, is no bigger than a small 4 ounce bowl, and I really don’t eat a lot of it. It’s too sweet for me. But it’s so rich and delicious, and I don’t eat it very often, I think after the last 36 hours or so, I deserve to take a deep breathe and try to relax. After all, shit really hit the fan yesterday and I can’t stay silent on this one. BRB…..
This is really from tonight… It sounded so good…
Lots of new things for me this week. I bought makeup and I actually like it a lot. I don’t feel like I have makeup on at all, so shout out to IL MAKIAGE for a fine product. I really like the concealer and eyeliner as well. And, the best part about their make-up was I wear a mask all day, every day, and I haven’t had any makeup wear off onto the mask. What IS this magic 🙂 Another first this week was I started to curl my hair before I go to work again. Why am I doing all of this fun getting made up kind of thing? Well, every few years I go through spurts where I want to look nice when I go to work, and so I will get up early and put effort into how I look when I get there. It makes me feel better about myself. I hate the time it takes because I don’t like giving up on my time to anything, so it’s a big deal for me to make an effort to be punctual. Yay me. Although, when I got work on Tuesday, my computer monitor died and I had to use a different one, therefore, I had to have my time adjusted because of the equipment and not because of me. Again, ya me. On Wednesday I got to watch in horror as domestic terrorists stormed the capital building. And what a fucking shit show that was. My stomach still hurts and I can feel my chest tighten as I think of it again. I am going to fast forward a bit to this evening, just before walking downstairs for dinner. I asked my husband did we have any protests in the 80’s that lead to the death of a police officer in the United States. We couldn’t think of any, but, let me take a look… and all the ones that I could find, there could have been more, weren’t on US soil. It was in the 1990’s that this started to happen.
Now, if you think back to the 90’s, I keep thinking it was like, 10 years ago, and it’s a lot more than that in reality. What can I say, I am child of that decade. I remember things happening and not really understanding the gravity of what it was until many years later. In 1993, there was bomb set off in the parking garage of the one of the Twin Towers. I can remember watching Peter Jennings as his calm deep voice would give me the news of the day, I had such a crush on him, who wouldn’t though? I can see the images in my head still of people coming out the building covered in concrete ash. They were coughing and it was a nasty site. I didn’t realize at the time that it was a terrorist attack. I knew what it was, but, at my age, I wasn’t old enough to really grasp the somberness of the situation. And then more things started to happen. More run ins with bombings in building and out in public. The federal building in Oklahoma was blown up in 1995. I was a few years older and I could see how bad this was. The very next year, there was a bombing at the Olympics in Atlanta. Thinking about it now, still makes tears start to well up in my eyes. And then we got to have a serial bomber send people packages that blew up and he did that for the better part of two decades. I could actually go on for a while about all the times since the 90’s that I have seen headlines about people dying in the country in mass shootings, protests, movie theaters, concerts, and our most vulnerable, schools. And while that would be a lovely dive into my thoughts on what we can do to do better, that’s not what I wanted to focus on.
My country has seen it’s fair share of radicals trying to destroy us from the outside. When the towers fell, I was 21, almost 22. I was in the United States Navy, I was in school, learning about lube oil purifiers. I knew in that instant, life was going to change. I had no way of knowing what was to come for me, but, I knew that being in the military, life as I knew it, in the blink of an eye, changed forever. This was the most earth shattering thing for me. That was scary, and I’m grateful I had sister there with me. No, I want to focus on the ones that came from within. The ones who say how much they love America.
Now, back to yesterday… that sounds funny doesn’t it 🙂 … I had no idea that there was anything going on recently. For whatever reason, I haven’t seen a lot of things on social media lately, so I was a bit late to the game about it. My boss was the one who told me about anything going on. It was when he came back from lunch and walked over to my desk and let me know that the capital building had been broken into. I was shocked. And since it was my early day, as I was trying to leave for the day, I was given the opportunity to talk to a woman for a good long while. I think she’s pretty awesome. And then she told me that she thought that this election was completely rigged and 45 won and there just couldn’t be any way that he would have lost. She had two grandkids who were there, she seemed jealous of them. My heart sank. I have a hard time with that one. So, I leave and put on Pandora, the 80’s alternative station. I was totally jamming out and loving it. Got home, and was glad to be there. Walked myself on up the stairs and Thomas has the news on live from a station out of L.A. They were showing photos of the destruction and videos of people wandering around as the bottom of the screen had a thing saying a 6pm curfew is in effect in Washington D.C. Odd. And then they started showing the videos of earlier in the day. The members of Congress and the Senate being taken out of the building through different staircases. Evacuated from their place of work and ordered to shelter in place. Almost like school children are rushed out of a building when there is an active shooter.. Fun Fact.. Most kids in this country have had Active Shooter drills at their schools because you never know when there is going to be a kid with their parent’s semi-automatic weapon that wasn’t locked up decide to take out their frustrations on their fellow students because life is hard and fuck this place, I’m taking everyone down with me manifesto kind of people. I hope during the next year or two, they will give some serious thought to changing the laws regarding guns. Maybe now that they know what it feels like to have that fear run through your veins, they can be empathic to the kids that have to do that drill to help them not get killed when it does happen… I digress… where was I?….. Watching the news reels of the events of the day. I stood there, still as can be, my hands pressed to my lips, eyes wide in shock, tears running down my face. I felt sucker punched, right to the gut. And then it felt like I was getting kicked in the gut over and over again. Wow.
Shock and disbelief is the best way to describe the emotions that I felt in the moment. My head was swirling and in a mess. Today, I tried to go run and it didn’t work. I posted my feelings on my social media, Instagram and one of my running groups. And then I got ready for work. My heart was heavy and I had a lot to say. I cried durning my run this morning. I let the tears flow as best as I could. I let them go some more today at lunch when I got a message that my post was removed from the running group. I knew I took a chance by putting my feelings into words. I was grateful for the kindness of the admin person who was super awesome. I never got to see the reaction to it, but, it could have been bad. I suspect that it was bad enough. I felt personally attacked, but, I didn’t have to actually read what others may or may not have said. It’s all just a gamble to me. And it could have been taken down before much was noticed. Who knows. I don’t right now. I’m ok with that, really. I have a hard time with online attacks, it’s not my best platform for trying to do debates. I would much rather get together with someone and talk to them in person, over a phone call, or whatever. I’m just not an internet arguing kind of person.
Anyhow, the point I was trying to make, very slowly, was that all of these things have hurt us. We have all felt the pain of an attack on our country. I would say many of us, but, then I realize not everyone is old enough to remember what it was like when the Federal building went down. It was more that the attacks had come from one of our own, one of our citizens, who was so upset with the way things were going, they decided they needed to make some changes. It’s like being stabbed in the back. We were unsuspecting fools to think it wouldn’t happen to us, but it did.
Yesterday was a far worse attack. Why do I say this? How can I compare this to Oklahoma? It’s nothing like that, and you’re right, to an extent, but let me continue. Yesterday, I got to see people who claim to be patriots of our country, the ones who say protesting and kneeling at a football game, silently, during the National Anthem, is disrespectful of the military, break through the doors of the very building that represents the law making part of our country and disrespect every military personnel, every veteran who ever put on that uniform, all of them, living and deceased. I saw the ones who claim that they are god fearing good christians act like shameful thugs and shit all over everything the military stands for. We took an oath of office to protect this country from all terrorist, foreign AND DOMESTIC. And what I saw yesterday was exactly that. They brought a confederate flag into that building, a flag from a group of people who LOST THE FUCKING WAR, into our most scared of places.
And those officers, wow. They didn’t seem to be prepared for any of this. Golly… When the protest for the Black Lives Matter was going on, the National Guard was called out and used lots of different way to subdue the crowd, including, but not limited to tear gas, and rubber bullets. People died in those riots. And the protests were over the disproportionate deaths of black men by the police. What’s really going to wet your noodle is know that if this was a group of black men, they would have been shot, a lot of them, brute force would have been used, and it wouldn’t have been the escorting out the building with no one in cuffs that was seen yesterday. Why was it so different? These people who took the building this week were white. You got it. A bunch of white people, who were incited by the president of this country to take back the vote, fight if you need, don’t give up without a fight, trial by combat, blah blah blah.
You know what this feels like to me. Well, first, work wasn’t as fun as I would have liked, given the day. I was relieved that none of my customers wanted to talk about today. And if they did, they didn’t say anything to me about it. At lunch, when I got the message from the admin lady, I was heartbroken. The place that I feel the safest to post about how I feel in life and getting though life, and it was taken down. I get it. But, I felt like a little kid getting in trouble for taking a chance and doing something that you might get in trouble for, but you might not. Today was a not. I was devastated, but, I was able to cry a bit more and that felt so much better. I got to talk to another cool person that I work with, and he was fun to talk to. Got back from lunch and felt better. I was still uptight, and I just put on my happy face and kept trying. On my way to and from work today, I changed the station on Pandora to U2 station and it was like it knew I needed that. They could read my mind. On the way home, it played The Rolling Stones, You Can’t Always Get What You Want, and then I started to think about the movie Hedwig and the Angry Inch the part where he’s talking about an essay he did for college, entitled, You, Cunt, Always Get What You Want. I giggled at thinking about that line. Always made me laugh. The last song on the way home with Pink Floyd’s Hey You, from The Wall. Now it’s one of my favorite albums, The Wall. I was given it the first time as a gift from my sister Colleen. She wrapped it in Starbucks napkins, and duct tape. Best gift! I listened to it for year. Today, while thinking on the lyrics, the closing lines of the song are, Together we stand, divided we fall. How true they are.
Today
April 6, 2021
It’s been 4 months since the attack on the capital and there has been a lot that has happened. Including, but not limited to, a birthday present for Kelsie, already arrived, Hanna had her baby, Kim had her baby, My little friend is 8 months old.. He’s so sweet and cute and tiny. I set out to finish the David Goggins 4x4x48 challenge in March and completed it!! I’m actually wearing the shirt right now, but, it’s dinner time right now, BRB…. So I get downstairs and Thomas asks what I’m doing. I said you told me dinner would be ready in 15 minutes, so I’m down here. He smile and says, 5 minutes Turkish… I brought the computer downstairs instead 🙂
Other notable things that have happened since that day 4 months ago, another officer was killed at the capital buildings this week. Had a car drove into him. I swear this place resembles a battlefield more and more to my mind. I am heartbroken over the politics of it, of which I don’t even want to go into. Instead, let’s talk about the coolest thing to happen this year is that the Boston Marathon opened up for a virtual race in October for the marathon. It is only open for 70,000 people and wouldn’t you know it, I fucking signed up!!! Hells yes, I’m excited. I don’t think that at this point in my life I am going to qualify with the time. Not to say that I won’t do that, but, that’s not a priority right now. Once it’s something I set my mind to doing, I am going to bust my ass to get there and dammit, I will make it on my own merit, but, that’s not right now. I am so over the moon about it. I haven’t talked about it on social media much about it, but, I am now. I am going to run the Boston Marathon this year, on my birthday. I won’t get the medal as soon as I cross the line, but, I will getting it done.
Holy Shit!!! That’s so cool
I am thinking more and more about the route I want to take when it comes to this. I live at 6800 feet above sea level and am trying to figure out what do I want to do. I will have to plan this out, train, work hard over the summer and make it happen. I am not a huge fan of running in the summer. I tend to whine about it a lot more than I should. I can still run, and for that I’m very grateful. I have done a walk with the dog yesterday and today. I need to get myself up earlier so I can actually get a good run in daily. I love how good I feel after I finish running. I think this means that there is going to be a big change in the way that I eat. I have no choice in that. I need to treat myself more like an athlete. Feed it better food. Take care of it more.
I have been getting a little more sleep in the last week or two or three. I have found that I love getting 8 hours of sleep at night. It feels amazing. I would love to get to bed earlier so I can get 8 hours and get up and go run 6 miles. That would mean going to bed a lot earlier… And then I wonder what if I went after dinner? Wait about 2 hours and then go run. That way I could come home and stretch and shower and go to sleep.. But the dog wakes me up in the morning, so, that doesn’t work either. Who knows, I will figure it out. I will just have to find a career in writing and running and making a better hat for women runners.
This mornings walk
So, that’s where I am now. Training for Boston. I also signed up for the Pat Tillman run that I will also do as a virtual race. I am looking forward to doing in person running races again. Dinner is ready now… BRB
Oh that was delicious. Grilled chicken and peppers and baby potatoes. No, I couldn’t eat it all. It was so good. After dinner, Thomas asked me to grab something from the gas station so I went. I walked up and down the candy, giggling to myself thinking, yeah, some athlete. I settled for a mango apple bar called That’s It. It just has an apple and a mango. I left them in the car for tomorrow. They will make for a great breakfast. I feel like being able to take on this marathon is big deal and it’s going to be won with the everyday battles I have with food and working out and taking proper care of myself. I will have to change the way I think about food altogether I think. Who knows. Maybe I will have more on this next week. Maybe I will make more sense next. Or, better yet, I will eat a bowl of ice cream and savor the rich chocolate flavors and smile at my day, give thanks for the wonder and beauty of my life, and go to bed happy. Again, who knows. Peace ~
