For me, the idea of stretching and doing yoga after my morning run is like a dream come true. The reality of it happening however, it not so much. I yearn to feel the way the muscles can be relieved from tireless aches and pains through the simple, though not actually simple, slow process of yoga. I love how it makes me feel so alive all over. I feel peaceful and one with the world if I get the extra added benefit of at least ten minutes or more of meditation. The feeling of all of these things is so magical and it makes me feel very connected to the ever flowing energy all around. It is a rare event and I love when I can feel the light within me.

For the last ten years or so, I have focused more and more on the energy that flows. There have been many times over the years that I have been told that I have a light that shines from within. It was in those moments of hearing this about me, I was low. I didn’t feel like there was any thing special about me at all. It was just enough of a lift that it would keep my heart from giving up. And there were many times I wanted to give up.

About a decade ago, I had began massage school and I was in a low spot. I was getting through the reality of life without my ex husband as a newly divorced woman. I cried a lot in those days. It was in my Intro to Alternative Medicine that I began to question many things that had been presented to me as hard facts when the truth wasn’t exactly that. I wanted to get the most of the time that I had. For the time I was in school, our daughter was living with her dad. It was bitter sweet. I wasn’t going to be able to give her any time. I had to be at work at 5.30 am, worked until 2.30 pm, and then school started at 3. pm and didn’t get done until 7.30 pm. I would be gone before she got up and home after she went to sleep. It wasn’t fair when she could stay with her dad who would be able to spend nights with her and get her up in the morning, and be able to be a parent that I couldn’t do right then. If I wasn’t working on the weekend, I was doing homework or taking more classes for and in massage. It was my life.

I liked the sound of Reiki. It was beautiful and I knew that I needed to take that class. It was from this class that the whole course of my life changed. I knew the guy who sat next to me would be in my life somehow. I also discovered that there was a tangible energy that I could tap into to warm myself up when needed, like when my hands get cold, and that made me aware of the fact that I was glowing from the inside. I have since been told that is a golden colour. And as bright as the sun. Blinding bright. From time to time, I can feel that light.

My favourite times to run are in the dark. Not sure why, but that also tends to mean its cold outside. This mornings storm was a welcomed sound to my ears. The wind brought a cool breeze that made me grateful that I was wearing long sleeves and pants. An article of clothing I had put away for the last four months? ……. Yeah, four months. I had a hard time with the running part of it today. I wanted to run, but, for whatever reason, it just wasn’t happening the way I wanted it to. We ran very little and my mind wandered to the events that marks 9/11 as a day in history. I still reflect on the events of the day as if it was last week.. I usually don’t remember yesterday, but a week, I can do that. To my horror, some of the memories have faded with time, however, the majority of it is pretty well burned into my brain. I was so young. The world was an adventure, and I was about to embark on a trip of a lifetime!! And what an adventure that turned into. It’s been 18 years and I tear up when I talk about it and when I see video of it. I was stunned. Who would’ve known we would go to war that day? That week? It was a very harsh reality check from me and my little sister, as we were both new to the US Navy, still in school.

I wanted to run today, I made it out with walk instead. I’m sure I looked pensive as I moved along, lost in thought. When I got home, I needed to get cleaned up for work, as well as wake the child. I let the water run over me and I took a deep breath. Of air, not water, duh. I closed my eyes. The heat from the warm water was so nice. By this time, I had gotten cold again, so the warmth was just capital! I love how when you feel the energy it makes you smile and it feels like that warm energy surrounds you all over. The feeling was so glorious this morning, I felt like my skin wanted to burst open from this fire that burned within. As though my flimsy human form has a very hard time trying to contain the light that it holds. I want to shine bright and allow it an escape, almost as though it’s under too much pressure. I have a lovely image of a statue that resonates with me so much that it’s the most beautiful representation of how I feel. Only, the light isn’t bright enough.

One of my favourite runs, I felt exactly like this artwork!! It was night time, in December a few years ago. I had to use my moms car for a time due to my car not running, so I would use the car and when I dropped it off at her house, I would run home. It was dark, on a Friday night, around 7.45 when I left my parents house. Since I wanted to make it a longer run than 1.2 kilometers, I went the other way around to my apartment. I would say I was about 2 miles into the run, on the back side of Rainbow lake, where there are no houses, and the lake is right there, the moon is lit in a lovely crescent shape and I could easily see the road ahead of me. I was in such a state of peace that I felt the light rise within me. It wanted to escape and light the whole night up. I was flying with my pace and I was so happy. I would say runner’s high but I feel like this was more than that. More than energy work, it was feeling like I was a star, shining on the earth, happy and peaceful and free.

In these moments of blissful peace and harmony with universe, I know that I am blessed to have found this light within. It has always been there, others had seen it in me, but I couldn’t. The growth that comes from giving time, time, is essential to ones’ personal development. When the towers fell those years ago, life changed as I knew it. Ten years ago, I was learning to grow up and beginning to adult. I still am not too fond of adulting. It’s not my favorite thing, but I like the benefits that it gives, so, I do. I am learning to do better as a person, as a professional, as a wife and a mother. I am not perfect by any means and to be honest, I don’t see how I make a difference to others. But then I see the way the light shines on others and brightens their life, I know I am on the right trail.

I am relearning how to be still and relax and meditate. I love that feeling after running when I have stretched and am able to it relax and calm my mind to a peaceful meditation. I downloaded Soulvana by Mindvalley and started to listen to the 6-phase meditation. I have heard wonderful things about it and to be perfectly honest, when the light within me dims, as it has lately for whatever reason, I start to shut down in a lot of other ways. Running helps for sure, but, I feel like I have lost my muchness, and I don’t want that. I need to get back to me again. So, I can say that after doing this a few times, I feel like I’m on cloud nine when done with it. For my own project, I am seeing what mediation can do for me, and what can be accomplished once I let go. Who knows… Maybe my idea of a perfect day will become my reality. Night all… 🙂