Down Again

Well, it’s been two years now, to the day, that I hurt my leg by tearing my hamstring. Wouldn’t you know it, I’ve managed to hurt myself again. And this time, it’s likely going to require surgery and PT and many walks. Not that I’m opposed to walks, but, I had just been able to get into doing a 10k at least once a week and I was really enjoying that.

Me and the girls doing a 10k together ❤️

Where to begin… Well, dear reader, this year I decided to take some of my vacation time and go see my sister for what was supposed to be her retirement ceremony. It was changed about a week before to a promotion ceremony instead of retirement. I went out, got to see her and I was having a blast. The weather was gloomy and it was a rainy day out and I took my niece over to a trampoline place to go have some fun.

We were having a great deal of fun too. I was very much enjoying it. And then I jumped and when I landed, I was aiming for the divider, which when Amelia jumped on it, stayed put, however, when I jumped on it, my foot did a weird thing and now I have a bruise on my foot. We keep going, we stopped to stretch for a moment though, because feeling that, I wanted to make sure I didn’t hurt myself again. I was jumping really high and when I came back down, I did damage to myself. In all, I have a torn ACL, a fractured condyle of the femur and a pulled groin muscle. 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

I did however, get to spend some quality time with my sister and that made me feel a lot better. She was awesome. I’m so glad that I was there and got to be around her and her family. But damn, I hurt today. Had my flight home yesterday, which was upgraded to so I could have some leg room, and then once I got back to Phoenix, Thomas picked me up and we then drove for 3.5 hours to get home. Stopped in Payson for food at Denny’s, which was a bust for him, but not terrible for me. Finally got home, it was only noon… I started my day at essentially 1.15 am my time and I was beat. Took a long nap and I could have stayed sleeping.

Today, before I have to go back to work, has been a bit rough. The brace helps, but it hurts to sit on it for a long time, and then when I take it off, if I have to get around, it feels so heavy. I hurt a bit today as well.

I was able to go see some cool things in DC though. I went to the National Mall, would have been cooler if I wasn’t being pushed around or using crutches. Saw the Korean Conflict Memorial, the Vietnam Wall, and the WWII Memorial. I also got to see the Lincoln Monument and only took photos from a far of the Jefferson Memorial. I was whipped by the time we got done, and not only that, I was super smelly. Like gross caked on salt from sweat, reminded me of being on a ship and doing some kind of lube oil drill and everyone is in turnouts and everyone smells. Eww..

The next steps are going to be fun. I have to go see my PCP this week, already had an appointment with him for other things, but, it’s good that I can get in so I can get my referral for an MRI in as well as an orthopedic surgeon referral. I think with luck, I’ll be back to walking within 6-8 weeks. Hoping for less though. And yes, that’s going to mean that for now, I’m down, once again.

It’s not so much that I feel like I don’t get enough rest, I really do. I wasn’t doing a whole lot this past month and I recently discovered that while I am trying to not do everything half-assed, I hadn’t been applying that to running and the fact remained, I was not giving it my full commitment. I was changing and doing well, I was loving doing runs again to see how far I could push myself. And now, I’m back to resting. I am super sad about it, but I know that there are a good many things that I can now focus more attention on. Like working on the business stuff, and maybe I could write down the recipes for making cheese – I miss cheese so damn much – and reading… And maybe spending more time on my computer, writing. I have started many different pieces, and yet, so many of them are sitting there, as a draft of a thought. That thought will not be the same and I won’t be able to recreate that moment in time that I was feeling whatever it was that I was feeling.

Thomas and I have been talking. He said that I need to learn my limitations. I have to realize that the older I get, the more prone to accidents I become. I’m not a klutz, and I don’t do silly things. This, he said was just an accident and that it’s not my fault. But now, I have to be the one who is trying to get better from it. It’s super frustrating for me. And if I am told to stay off of it, I am doing just that. Looks like I won’t be half-assing my recovery at all. There is too much at stake for me. I don’t want to risk hurting myself again either. Just too many things that I have to take into consideration. Makes my head hurt.

Lexi and I at the second round at the hospital

If you have stayed with me this far, dear reader, I do appreciate it. I’m just having a bad Tuesday. And I’ll heal and this will be ok, and things will keep moving. But for today, I am choosing self pity. I want to cry and breakdown and be sad and let my soul break just a little bit. I want to wallow in my own deep sad thoughts, I want to feel all the feels. But just for today. I don’t want this to bother me tomorrow or the following day. I want to get out of bed and be grateful that I woke up. I want to get my coffee and drink it while sitting out back and enjoying the chatter of the hummingbirds that are all around me. I want to put makeup on. But today, I have to worry about getting a shower chair, and eating dinner. Neither of which I actually want to do, but are a must for me. I want to eat an entire bar of oat milk chocolate and then eat my Ben & Jerry’s non-dairy frozen dessert – not even ice cream.

Regardless of what it is that I want to do, the things that have to happen will. Most of what I want to do today aren’t something that is going to happen because, well, I’m on the computer and not crumpled into a ball on the floor of the closet crying.

Fast forward 5 days…

It’s just time to recognize that I’m not a spring chicken anymore. I have some limitations but I will have to more aware of my circumstances and situations. Anyhow, time for other things… happy Sunday.

For the record, I’m terrible on crutches!

Fast Forward a few more days or rather weeks….

I have been to the Dr. I have had the MRI finally and sadly, I will eventually have to have surgery for a torn meniscus, and ACL that is still attached by “a few fibers”. It doesn’t say that I broke the femur but it’s not a good look at this point. Now I have to wait to see the ortho to find out more about this surgery. I have yet to be called about it. I can only play the waiting game. And, yes, I’m more than just a little bit pissed off. I have to remember that I live on the mountain and things are slower and there is no other place to go. It’s like dealing with our local hospital and their terrible billing practices. I also feel like the longer I wait for medical care, the longer I will have to heal. I’m mad about it, but there isn’t a whole lot that I can do about it. Today I’m sad about it and I’m letting myself be upset by it. Tomorrow is a new day so I am hopeful that I will be less upset by this whole thing. We shall see.

Until then, I’m on the couch doing things that I have been putting off. I have been working on the company logo, and too, I will be working on video for our company. My sister sent me a video the other day, it called out Libra and Virgo, me and Thomas, to do the things you have been putting off that you know you need to do. So, I feel like this is going to be the time that I need to get this stuff done. I have goals that I know we can met if we work hard. So now I have been given the gift of time. I think I will have to see this is a gift that I wouldn’t otherwise have been able to take advantage of. I will continue to be irritated with the whole thing and be thankful this is just my knee, and not a health emergency. I will continue to trust in the process and hope for the best though I know that it could do a lot better. I don’t think I will do it with the computer on my lab though. This hurts my knee. I think it’s time for some ice actually…

Until next time dear reader, thank you and good night 😎

Changing of the Seasons

On Friday this past week, I was able to go out for a short walk. Made it to .70 miles that day. But I noticed that I was a bit cold. And then it hit me as I started to look all around. Today was the day. It’s the day the air turns from summer breezes to autumn chills. That north wind came up again, and now here we are.

As I sit here, it’s 6 days until the official start of fall. My favorite time of the year. It only lasts but a few short weeks and it can be skipped altogether as it had last year. Went straight from summer to winter.. Or was that the year before???🧐🧐 Anyhow, last year I was not able to enjoy it very much. I was training for my marathon on my birthday and then got sick from running it.. on my birthday. Got a nasty sinus infection and was down for about a week and then I had surgery and that took me out of the game for quite a while. I wasn’t able to enjoy those crisp mornings when it’s chilly but you still end up sweating to death from the run itself. Those are the best kind of runs in my opinion.

The grass and weeds have started to turn

This year will be a bit challenging. Since I am two weeks post hamstring tear, I am only able to go as far as I can walk, slowly. Walking is still a bit of a challenge for me, and I try not to compensate for it, but, I can feel it when I’m done. I will still be going out in the morning, though, not like I like to. I will be doing more body work and core stuff as I try to just gain strength in the muscle group. I have a bag that I will be utilizing as well as going back to doing my plank challenge when I am able to. I like doing some weighted twists as well to help with the mid section. I am focusing on that because, well, I have discovered that not being able to move from my bed very much the last two weeks, I have a very super slow metabolism. So while I lay in bed, legs outstretched, one on a pillow to keep from having some serious pain, my body is just saving those calories for to work off at a later date. Ugh! I had just bought a smaller size jeans no less!! And two new pairs of pants for work.

I will still be up at before the break of dawn to get my walk in and then get a small workout in. I know that I will be doing the same in the evening. My husband has graciously offered to help me and work on a few things like dynamic movement and calisthenics. I want to come back better than I was. I want to get a better race time, though, no races on the horizon for me. I find it’s hard to get out there and just go when I have nothing to work towards. I’m a rewards kind of girl and I love the medal at the end of the race. Not too sure how I will get to the next race at this point. I’m working with a lot of things. Going out and doing shit costs money and whole lot more than it used to a year ago, I’m not so sure I can swing this kind of fun again. It’s ok. There are lots of races to sign up for here soon. Not sure when I will be able to get out there again, but, I know it’s going to be with a better time on my 10km’s and my 15km’s.

Now, it’s time to get that warm spice feeling in the air, make some pumpkin pie stuff and all kinds of other things. Yeah, not a long post today, and I have been thinking about fall since Friday as well. Guess my thoughts on running as a female took it all out of me (I only edited and added photos today. I have to give the writing a day before posting. I’m not that great at spell check the day of, I tend to read what I am thinking it says, rather than what it’s supposed to say.) and that was a lot to say about it. Will those words fall on deaf ears? Most likely. The men in this world who attack and kill and rape women are not likely readers of my blog. I could be wrong, but, not likely at this point.

Anyhow, hope you, dear reader, have had a lovely beginning of fall this week. It’s in the air. I can feel coming in the air. The leaves are slowing changing, and then in a week or so, it’ll all be right there in the middle of the changing of the trees as they shed their leaves. The oak trees around here are usually the last to come into bloom, and then one of the first who start shedding the leaves. The honey locust tree is the one that actually changes first. I can’t wait. Hot chocolate with my husband and my baby, sitting around watching old movies.

Hope your hump day, dear reader, sees only sunshine and smiles.

When It’s Time to Take a Break

The whole idea of a rest day, is something that I love and I hate at the same time. If I don’t run in the morning, then I will feel it all day, and then nine times out of ten, I won’t run in the afternoon. And then of course, I will whine about it and try it all again the next day. I have been doing good this last month. I was able to pick up and start doing 10k’s again, and that was making me feel really good about it. I am so happy about that.

For the years that I did massage full time, I remember how others would get sick or injure themselves and I used to say that the body has a way of making you slow down when you really need it. I have been lucky enough to only have to deal with a few minor things. I’ve pulled muscles and fallen and hurt myself a bit here and there. Surgery was a hard one for me last year. I couldn’t run, and then I couldn’t have sex and there are two wonderful things that I use as a stress reliever (it’s also how I stay connected to my husband, and he’s pretty fond of that as well).

Let me paint a picture for you. It’s a beautiful summer day, the sun is bright, and we are dressed and ready to go take the kayaks out for a little fun on the lake. Have to take them to get washed off a bit, as they weren’t covered the last time we took them out, thinking that the rain will help clean them, and that’s not what happened. So go to the car wash and I jump out and am spraying off the two on my car and then Kelsie drives in and I’m to get the one on her truck. I get half way around to the back of the vehicle and I step up on the back bumper, that little dip where the license plate is, that’s where I’m standing. I hold onto the light on the top and get the sprayer and pull the trigger and next thing I know, I have been pushed back from the force of the water and one leg hits the wet concrete, my right foot and it keeps sliding backwards. And as I keep going down and the other foot finally comes off the back bumper and I’m in a side splits position and slam down on the concrete. I hear a loud pop and then I couldn’t move and I couldn’t explain how much that it hurt. I had injured myself. For the first time ever, I really injured myself. Kelsie and Thomas get me out of the wash bay and as I’m standing at the side of it, I can feel myself trying to not pass out from this. Voices are muted and it feels like they are talking to me at the back of a tunnel. Again, a new thing to come that close to passing out from pain. With much wailing and crying and screaming, I manage to get into the car and Piper drives us home. She is such a trooper though she was scared beyond words for sure. I try to get out of the car and Thomas asked if we need to go to the ER. Yes. Yes we do need to go.

Get to the hospital and Thomas gets me a wheelchair and I’m taken back immediately taken to triage, and from there, I’m quickly whisked away to a room. The tears from the pain are flowing and I have never felt pain like this before. I didn’t throw up, and I didn’t wet myself at the time, so there was a silver lining. It wasn’t even 11.30 yet in the morning. A gentleman named Matthew came in and did the X-rays on me, and I cried from that. The good news, no broken hip though it’s not dislocated either, and I can move the leg from side to side but I can’t extend my leg fully. So, they order a CT scan to make sure there are no broken parts in there, even a hairline fracture. As it turns out, the CT scan reveals that I have a torn muscle. My hamstring is torn and I have severely strained my groin muscles as well.

At this point, it’s getting closer to me leaving the hospital and I have two very nice ladies come in to fit me for crutches. Upon trying to stand up and put weight on the crutches I can’t do it, and the pain is unreal. I’m sobbing pain at this point. I am then given my discharge instructions and they put me in a wheelchair and take me to the waiting room, as I’m waiting for Thomas to get back to the hospital. More tears come as he’s trying to get me into the car. And then more wailing in pain to get me up two stairs to get into the house. I’m sure the neighbors were wondering what was going on. Got to the couch in the living room now and I’m in so much pain.

What feels like forever, I know to be only about an hour, I know that I have to get upstairs to get into the tub and into bed. I make the decision and begin my way up stairs. I’m on my butt, going up backwards, lifting with my arms and my good leg. The pain ranges from my low back and radiates from there all the way to my knee. There is a sharp shooting pain that goes down the back of my leg to my knee and wow. That’s super not fun. With much help, I get into the tub and do a soak, that hurts, and wash my body, I was super smelly. Got into bed, and then had some food, took my pain meds and went to bed.

Sunday comes and so far, there isn’t a bruise yet. It’s just hurts. I lay in bed all day only getting out to go the ten feet to the toilet and back. With my leg hanging, it’s very painful to try and use the crutches. As if it’s being pulled downwards and that hurts. I talked to a few people and spent time on social media, what a waste of time that was, and watch some funny shows here and there. Monday, Labor Day comes. I am determined to shower today. I make it to the bathroom and am able to use the shower chair my parents brought me the evening before. I felt so good to wash my hair and my body. To not smell myself was a huge good thing.

So now, here I am, on Tuesday (though likely won’t post until later this week). I have been able to make an appointment with my PCP for Friday. I am taking photos of the bruises to see how they change, and when I got up this morning, it looked like Mickey Mouse’s head. Now, it’s just a giant purple bruise that’s spreading. It’s so swollen and taking photos of it doesn’t do it justice, especially when you consider it’s right at the base of my butt. I have yet to be able to extend my leg at this time, and the dull achy pain, is more of an annoyance than anything. I can’t do anything and that’s what is hard for me.

So that brings me to taking a break from running. This one is not something that I had planned. But, with time off, I’m hoping that things will work out for me. I have some patches that I really wanted to sew onto a messenger bag that I love. I bought the needles for it, and now I have to get some thread and a pair of scissors up here and I can do that. I also have time to get back to my video that I’m making for sales of a product that my husband and I have invented. I haven’t worked on that for a while now and now is as good as time as any. I mean, all I’m doing is sitting on my butt right now. I am noticing that my hip hurts, my other leg hurts and I am working on moving my leg, but, I don’t know. It’s going to take some weeks to get back to normal again. In fact, the PA that I saw said he tore the same muscle last year, and it really does take 6-8 weeks of recovery before I’m going to be feeling more like normal. I don’t know how bad the scar tissue is going to be, but, I guess I will have to wait and see.

I have to say though, my husband and child have been so good to me and have helped me to get set up and be able to function a little bit. I have everything I really need, my grinder, my pipe, my food and snacks and now my computer. All I need now is to be able to sit on a hard surface without wanting to cry. So with that in mind, I will have to wait to go to work. For now, it is what it is. A lesson in patience, humility, and giving control to others to take care of me. It’s not an easy lesson, but, one that is there to learn. I will fight it of course, because I don’t know that I can’t do things. Which is the whole reason I was washing the kayak in the first place. I didn’t know that I couldn’t do that. I do know though.

Have a great day kids.. if you can run, run for me… I can’t for at least two months. ~ ❤️