28July2026

Well, at least the upside is that no one had died. At least, none that are unexpected. I work with old people, that’s expected. Though some go more surprisingly than others. I’ve digress.

About a two months ago I decided that I wanted to run a Ragnar Trail run. I got the team going, and I was all excited and so I asked the one person who I thought would really do it with me, and who would enjoy it; my sister Crystal. I thought for sure she would love a challenge such as this, something to really push you and have fun at the same time. I gave her a few days to think about it and when I got the answer, it wasn’t something that I had expected. She told me that even though she really wanted to do it with me, she had just talked with her best friend, Colleen who has been her bestie for at least 35 years, got results from a test and she wasn’t sure she would be able to get the time back. That’s not cryptic at all. 🤔

My sister Crystal graduated in 1993, her and her best friend, Colleen. Crystal went to move to Phoenix the week she graduated. Her best friend, Colleen, stayed home. She joined a group called Up With People and went on a world tour as a singing and dancing ensemble. Crystal never came home after that. Not like she never visited, but she never moved back. Colleen got home and stayed there for a little while before she too moved to the valley of the sun. Before she did, Colleen became an amazing supportive sister to me. She was the one who taught me how to do makeup, and how to curl my hair to get it to go in certain directions. She was the one who saw how hard of a time I was having and she was the one who make sure that I was ok, that she could see I was struggling, but, she also said that she would be there for me, even if I didn’t realize that she would be.

By the time I graduated high school, Crystal and Colleen would be living together in the valley. I lived with my grandparents after high school for a time and I spent a good deal of time there. I wasn’t always nice though and I am sorry for being an asshole when I was one. She’s always been there in my life. Some time goes by and life happens and it was a while between visits with Colleen.

Last year, when Crystal got remarried, I saw Colleen for the first time in I don’t know how many years. She looked different than I remembered, but I was super excited to see her again. She had gotten sick around Veteran’s Day a few years ago, like four I think. I was able to take her seats at the Farewell Concert by Elton John. I was able to take Maggie to it as well – Piper is now going by Maggie, so I try to keep it consistent, but I slip from time to time. It was an amazing concert, so to say thank you, I wrote her a letter and sent a framed photo of Little Gotro, and the single tear running down her face from the joy of the event. We talked for a few minutes in the bathroom before the ceremony and she said that she loved the letter, and has never thrown it out, it meant the world to her. She loved the photo as well, but the letter meant the world to her.

When Dad died this last year, 8 months ago, she came up as soon as she could, I think it was only a few days later. She’s been a fantastic sister to me for so many years. Even Brandy adores her, so I know that she really is a good person, with a heart of gold. She has her vices like everyone else that I know, but, you know, who doesn’t. I know lots of people who drink and smoke. … When Crystal told me that Colleen was doing some tests because she was having a hard time swallowing, I thought, this could be something. When Crystal said she wasn’t going to do the Ragnar with me because she wasn’t sure how much time she had left with Colleen, I knew this was far more serious than, we are running some tests.

Three weeks ago, Colleen had to be admitted to The Mayo Clinic in Phoenix Arizona. It is Stage 4 esophageal cancer. This would be why she hasn’t been able to eat or drink or swallow a whole bunch. She was too malnourished to begin cancer treatments, so right now, they are working on getting her healthy enough so her body can tolerate the treatment. But there are some complications.

This week, I had to come to the valley to do training with our new PSA for our program with the VA. And since I went to concert last night, I knew that I would be going to see Colleen today. I can say that I wasn’t prepared mentally for what I saw. She looked better than I thought, but, as we talked, I realized that there is a very good chance that she’s not going to make it out of this one. She’s fighting it, but, the feeling is real, and it’s scary. She told me there is 40% chance to make it 5 years. We laughed and I gave her some good information to deal with the insurance company and told her that I will come back as often as I can to see her. I have been writing letters to her weekly because I feel like that is what I love to do, write, weird right?

I wanted to cry with her while I was there, but, I didn’t. Instead, like the coward that I am, I waited until I could get into my car, and park it for a few minutes so I could cry. I cried all the way back to the hotel listening to my favorite radio station. Funny thing, while I was driving, they started playing songs from Pink Floyd’s The Wall album. When I turned 19, Colleen gave me the two disc set of Pink Floyd’s The Wall, wrapped in Starbucks napkins and duct tape. I listened to that until I lost the CD’s and then I just bought myself another copy of it. When I hear it, I think of her instantly. And of course, the song was Comfortably Numb. I have to say, the guitar solo by David Gilmore in that one song holds so much emotion for me that all I can do is crank the volume and let the guitar into my soul and feel every bit of that solo. Oddly, the only other song that gives me that kind of reaction is Yellow Ledbetter by Pearl Jam. Talk about guitar solos. Wow is all I can say about those two. And since it was my favorite radio station that I was listening to, they usually play two songs by the same artist. The next song, was Young Lust. Following that block, they began playing Guns N Roses, Welcome To The Jungle and then November Rain… Which let’s be honest, November is the month that dad died, so it seemed like a fitting song for how I was feeling right then. Comfortably Numb, followed by November Rain. Yup, I would say I was feeling a bit low.

I think the hardest part for me is realizing that there is no easy answer to this. I mean yes, I am able to still go and see her and talk to her, but, I feel like I could have done better for her. I’m not sure how, but I feel like I could. So, in light of the last three installments of I’ve Been Meaning to Call, I am now using this time that I have to make sure that she knows that I love her and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without her influence on me. She is so much more than just a sister. She’s my hero. She deserves so much more than what I can give. But I intend on not allowing this time to pass me by with nothing more than I visit one time. I’m able to recognize that this is the time for those moments. I will be coming down more often to see her. And I am very much looking forward to it. Time is precious and I don’t intend on wasting this time that I have.

Am I worried about this, I would think to say yes is an understatement. Yes, I am very worried about it. I want nothing more for her to go home and snuggle with her husband and her dogs and live in peace and harmony and smile and live to be 80. I don’t know what time I have with her, I don’t know how this will turn out, but I know what I will do with the time that I have been given with her. So for now, that is all.

Goodnight, dear readers. Wishing you a good night, and a happy sweet dream. ❤️😎💔

15September2026

Yeah… so it’s been a while since I tried to write and post on this. Due to the nature of it, it’s been hard to reread for proofreading and adding photos. I added photos at one point and it just didn’t do so well.

Colleen is still going and fighting. I’ve been sending her photos of my daily runs. Though, since it’s been getting earlier and earlier every day, the sun is coming up later and later which makes sunrise photos a moot point. But I got some cool moonlight photos that I send. The point is, I keep writing letter and sending them. I keep going out with the dog and sending her daily photos. Time is so precious and I may not be able to go down to see her like I wanted to, but I’m also not not doing anything. 🧐

It’s morning time and I have to get rolling. Coffee is made, dog is going to be wanting to go out for her run and I’m nearly done pooping. Yay! 💩😁 Hope your day, dear reader is a good one. My your sunrise be met with fresh coffee (or tea if that’s your thing. I actually open a tea bag and dump it into my coffee grounds. Either chai or a toasted coconut one. 😊