Feeling Free Again

After what felt like an eternity, I was finally able to return to a good run this weekend. Three glorious days of running through the forest and seeing the world fresh and new from the rains and spring being here. The leaves were so brilliant in color that I was blown away at the beauty of it all. I hope the photos do it some justice.

Saturday started later than I had planned. I had managed to get into bed fairly early on Friday night, however, I woke up around 1 and while it was only 30 minutes that I was awake, that really slowed me down in getting out the door. I had originally planned to do my loop that I haven’t done in a while, but, when I had finished getting ready, I looked at my dog and thought we need to hit a trail. So we headed up to my favorite place to go for now, the outdoor classroom as it was called when I was growing up, otherwise known as Big Springs Environment Area. There are a few trails that wind their way up to the lake. I thought about how long I had and decided that I would have to wait and do a longer run on another day, today, I had an appointment that I refused to be late to at 10.

I started up the mountain, not really wanting to go fast, after all, it’s been quite a while since I had run. I went at an easy pace, going up the mountain. The goal today was to just do the best I could continually. I was still stiff from last weekend, but, things had loosened up a lot and I was needing to get out and move. Plus, I needed to take the dog out for her walk.

The scenery was stunning on this morning. The way the sunlight kept coming through the trees made me think I was staring at a post card. It truly was amazing! I lifted my head at one point, stopping for a moment and smiling up at the sky. It was like coming home. That feeling of doing what makes you feel joy and allowing that moment to sink in and absorb it like a sponge. I feel that in sunlight in the forest. I feel that in the spray of the ocean on my face. It’s like a recharging of your battery. I took this time to really think about a few of those who are struggling and some who are having a rough go. I thought about. a lady in my running group, Julie, who is dealing with brain cancer. She had been given 14 months to live. It’s been 12 and she’s doing so much better than what the doctors thought was possible. She’s beautiful and she is an inspiration to me to keep going, no matter how bad it seems, there is still hope.

When I came to the end of that run, I was feeling so good. I could take on the world! It was amazing, but, now, it was time to get home and get ready.

When it came time to get up on Sunday morning, I was again tired and managed to get out of the house and hour later than I had the day before. I decided that I wanted to go back to the outdoor classroom, but today, I would take the other trail loop up the hill and back. It was again sunny, and I was in a tank again today, how I love the feeling of the sun on my skin. I had considered doing all the trails today, but then thought I can do the tomorrow and not worry too much about it, so I didn’t do both of them, just the other one. In doing this one, I was able to come out directly in front of the lake and it was sight to behold! Very lovely, peaceful and not totally full of people yet, though, there were a lot of them with fishing rods getting out of vehicles when I was getting closer to the parking lot. For the return run down the mountain again, I was able to run further with fewer walking breaks so I am feeling pretty good about improving this last week. I will likely always want to get back to where I was the first year I was running and was able to run regularly with Vanessa, my best friend who was the one who actually got me into running in the first place. I am still working on that, but, having someone who is faster than you are is such wonderful way to get to hang with a friend and actually see improvements in running. I discovered this round was nearly .75 miles shorter in distance than the day prior.

This morning, I was out of the house an hour later than yesterday. I was shocked at how long it took me to get ready, but, it was alright. I was feeling good and I was thinking, since I was able to get a walk in with Vanessa yesterday, I would do the same route again this morning with the dog, but the moment we got outside, she beelined to the car and stood there and then jumped around all nimbly bimbly like around in circles to let me know she wanted to take the car and go for a run. So, I walked back in to get my keys and my wallet and let my husband know where we were going to go run. I decided that for today, I this Memorial Day, I would take the outlook trail and do a few laps around it. I was thinking three laps would be close to three miles, so that would be alright for today.

Now, this weekend, my husband has been watching the HBO series Band of Brothers. I have seen some of this, a few of the episodes and I am in tears each time I watch it. I thought about this movie. But I thought more about the people in the war itself. I thought about what it meant to give a life for the country we live in. A place that I, and 380 million other people call home. Not everyone will care about it, not everyone will think more about today than a day off, and certainly not everyone will have ever signed a contract up to and including your life. There magnitude of what that is was not lost on me today as I watched the wind move the tree tops of the forest below me.

Many stories of these young men and women who died in battle are not forgotten. At some point, Hollywood decided that we need to keep these stories alive and so they started making movies about the men and women who were in those places and those battles. Many died in these stories and only a survivor can really understand what it’s like to live through combat. Being a veteran myself, I remember the stories of the ships and our country’s naval history. I tear up when I think of some of the tragedies of war and how so many die. It’s mind-blowing and shocking and sad and the emotion is so great that I feel about it, it leaks out of my eyes when I put a lot of thought into it. One story that I honor and cherish is the story of 5 brothers, The Sullivans. If you haven’t heard about them, it’s likely because there isn’t a movie that was made about them, however, they are mentioned in the very beginning of the movie Saving Private Ryan.

The story goes that before the United States got into the war, 2 of the 5 brothers had already been discharged and once the war started, they enlisted on the agreement that they all serve together on the same ship. The ship was sunk. You can read about it here.

I thought of my time on my ship when I was able to have my little sister on board with me. I remember thinking how lucky we had been, and how different things would have been if we had done the buddy program. I thought about the last remaining Sullivan brother, George, who had lived for four or five days after his four younger brothers had perished in the sea. I cannot pretend to know the depth of pain and anguish that he must have felt before he slipped into the blue waters of the Pacific Ocean, and let the sea take him. I cannot even fathom what their parents felt in the aftermath. I thought of the men who watched in combat their friends die in front of them, I thought of the many men who came back, but, didn’t make it long afterwards, for a war never settled in them. I thought of a man I know who went to see The Wall Memorial for the first time. He had served in Vietnam and this would be the likely to be the only time he would see it. The tears welled in my eyes and the trail, thankfully was an easy one today.

I hope that the country that so many died trying to protect will one day know the profoundness of what Memorial Day truly is. Only 10% of the population will ever sign that contract. And of those 10%, only 8% will serve in active duty or reserves. Today is not a day to thank a veteran for their service, today is a day to remember those who never came back. A day to remember those who signed a contract saying up to and including my life and the contract with fulfilled with that life. I hope their lives weren’t cut short in vain.

The run ended and my thoughts were a little less cluttered, and my face a little more tear stained. I know I had set out with a goal for this run, but to be honest, I can’t really tell you, dear reader, if I accomplished that goal in the least. It wasn’t as important as other things on my mind.

Next weekend I shall travel to San Diego and run with my little sister in a relay. I haven’t done that since we were in high school. I am really looking forward to it. I bought new socks for the occasion 🙂 Lexi didn’t understand why nothing actually matched. I told her because nothing matched neon so you just go with whatever. Anyhow, time to get moving on dinner. I’m famished!

A Test of Endurance

So there I was, standing at the starting line of not a race but a walk. Not even a competitive walk, it was a walk to raise money for the breast cancer patients that are going through treatment at this time. I had gotten there at 5 after 5 on a brisk Saturday morning. I had my long socks on, I had my oranges in my bag and I was ready, or so I thought for an adventure that I had never done until this weekend. 50 kilometers from the start to the finish of the walk. 30 miles of road walking from one town, through another and into a third one, and then back again.

I have driven this road many times, since I was a teen. I know it easily by the way it feels in the car that I drive. I can time my speed and I hate trying to cross traffic in the summer time due to the influx of summer visitors. It has many lakes, streams, places to fish and is in general a wonderful mountain to visit. I love that live here, most of the time. It does have it’s limitations and setbacks. It also has a lot of hills. It was these hills that had me somewhat concerned over the magnititude of what it was I was about attempt.

It all began like a normal day at work. We wen’t overly busy, and since I had finished with my computer training, it was time to take a break. I had been looking for new shoes for a new position I took at work. One that I get to wear pretty shoes for. I can’t tell you how excited that makes me to know that I get to wear pretty heels on a daily basis. I love shoes! I don’t like to spend too much on them, unless they are running shoes and in that case, they are the most expensive shoes I will buy. I was telling my friend about the new shoes I was eyeballing for work and she said something about she was getting new shoes too, but they were for an event, called Sue’s Crew Walk. This is an event that is in it’s 8th year on my mountain and it raises money for the women on the mountain who are going through breast cancer treatments. The money stays on the mountain for these women. When Erin asked if I was interested, I was very eager to jump at the chance to join. Little did I know that it would be as hard as it was.

In the weeks leading up to this event, I have been training for a half marathon relay with my sister that is to be done, next weekend actually. I thought I would be able to do this and still have enough time to recover well enough to do the race. However, in the 5 weeks before hand, I had slacked off of training. Nearly doing a total of 15 miles for two weeks worth of running. This is not a good thing. I had been back to serious training for only a good week before this, but, knowing how I am, I didn’t let this bother me.

The walk began at 0537 in the morning. I know because that’s what time I started my watch for this deal. I was enjoying the morning and how cool it was. I have been told that there were going to be a lot of people who are going to not even make it to the half way point. This is terrible I think.

We had an easy pace, at least easy for me. Our group consisted of four of us, two in front and two in the rear. The ones with the long legs were in the front, and Lisa and I, short legged girls, were in the back. It was easy conversation and I loved the whole time that I got to talk and have fun and make jokes with my group. By the time we got to mile 6, I had to stop for the bathroom. I chose this pitstop because there was no line and when you’re walking in a group, I hated to have to make them wait for me. At this time, we were on the highway and it was only 8 in the morning. The sun wasn’t very hot or high and the day was clear and bright. We were lucky to have such shade and there were plenty of areas on the path that were single file only due to the nature of the road and where we were walking.

Our next actual pit stop was going to be the big one, they had hot dogs and lots of food at this one, at mile 10. Only a few to go and we were there. The road at this point is now a side road and we are coming up to Show Low lake. One of my favorite spots that I used to go on a very regular basis. This morning, the lake was full and the sun shone brightly on the water. It made it almost too bright to see. We were nearly to our pitstop and I was really ready to for a break. We trudge along, making good time.

We get to the church, our 10 mile pitstop and grab some food, hot dogs and gatorade, fruit and sandwiches and lot of friendly faces all willing to help. I loved stopping here. It was a nice chance to sit down, though, at this point, I knew that if I was to sit down, it was likely going to be very difficult to get back up. Our group stays here for about 10 minutes and more walkers come and go and we take off on our journey. At this time, there is a mile loop that we do and I notice that there are all these pennies laying on the ground. I have to pick them up. And then I realize I can’t seem to bend down too well, since my hips are starting to smart in pain. So I leave the pennies alone. We come out of this area and head back to the highway and there is another pit stop that I have to take.

At this time, two of the group people take off and it leave Erin and I to go it alone. She is starting to have a lot of pain in her knee and I am just sore and tired and feeling like I want to just run. But I can’t. Erin and I are moving slowly along and I notice how quiet she has become. When asked if she’s ok, she says that her knee feels like it’s going to explode. This is not good. I look at my watch, we are at 11.57 miles, which means there should be an aid station in a half mile. If we can make over this hill, we should be good. But that makes this hill a half mile to the crest of it. UGH!!!

We make it finally. Our other part of our group is long gone by now and I get Erin to a bench and make sure she settled, waiting for her ride. She did amazing. 12 miles for someone who doesn’t regularly do this kind of activity is nothing to be ashamed of. She was my rock and the reason I was there. I get my pack readjusted and she looks at me and says you ready? I nod yes and I give her a hug and tell her to keep me posted. Let me know when her ride gets her so I know she’s not there forever. I put my headphones in and I head down this hill to find our group. I have a good pace going and I am enjoying the music. For me to not have anything playing for the first 12 miles is something that I was pretty proud of. I talked and chatted and laughed and had a good time. But now, it was time for some serious business. I was power walking, for lack of a better word. And soon, I’m in Pinetop, walking down the road that I have run many times before. I start to wonder if they have already turned around and are on the way back. I see our turnaround point and still sign of my group. I didn’t see them coming my way so where in the world are they? And it’s just my luck that I don’t have any one else’s phone number. Oh well. I have a banana and some water and I keep going. The volunteers are trying to get me to sit for a while and relax, but, to be honest, this was the longest I have traveled on foot before, 15 miles. I wanted to get done now.

I left the half way point with a good pace. As far as I could tell there were about 20 or so people ahead of me. And as a competitive person, I wanted to make that number smaller. About a mile from the turn around, I see our group on the other side of the road coming towards me.. I have no clue where they stopped, but somewhere along the road, I must have passed them. Ok. Time to move now. The sun is hot and it’s only getting hotter. I can feel it burning my skin and I think about calling my husband and asking him to bring me a hat, but, I don’t. I keep going. My legs are tired and stiff, my hips are hurting a lot more now, but, nothing is going to stop me. Well, mostly nothing. I get to about 18 miles and the pit stop has red vines and pizza. I grab a small slice thinking it will be nice to have something to eat. How wrong I was about that. After eating my one piece of licorice, and 4 bites of pizza, my stomach tells me what a bad idea this is. I’m feeling like I’m getting sick and I want to throw up. I slowly sip my water and try to maintain composure. I am coming back to the church pretty soon and I will be able to sit and take a proper break. I cannot wait to get there. And for whatever reason, to me, it seems like the miles got longer on the way back.

When I finally reach the pit stop, I sit down and take my shoes off, check for rocks, make sure my feet are ok. I can feel a blister forming on my feet, but, without clean socks or different shoes, I’m not really going to be able to do much at this point. I get them back on, use the bathroom, grab some oranges from my bag and go. Only 10 miles to go. I can do this I think. My feet are starting to hurt though and they are really slowing me down. I know they have blisters at this point, I know it’s going to hurt trying to walk this week, and wow, can I feel the sun like its burning into my skin. Maybe I should have called my husband after all. At 5 miles to go, there is another pit stop and the lady is kind enough to tell us that it’s only 5 miles left. I think to myself, 5 miles is so easy, I can do this. I can make it in an hour and a half. I’m nearly done. I talk with a man who asked if this was the first time I have done this and I say yes. He just nods, dressed in all black, no hat or bag, just a bottle of water and some snacks and we all take off. I am leading a few, but, soon I realize that I need a bathroom. Thankfully, there is one coming up that I can see so I stop. This is where I realize how much I hurt and I am wondering if I can make it at all. It’s not like me to give up anymore. I put myself through a lot for the sake of not quitting. I want to finish this. I trudge along, this time, slowly, and my pace seems to be getting slower and slower.

When I get to the last mile, I am beat. I think to myself, why is the last mile, the longest one of the day? I am exhausted and can barely walk without pain. My stomach has still not recovered from the pizza and so I haven’t had as many little snacks as I would have liked. I had four more people pass me and I am thinking I won’t be in the top 20 at all. And as I am thinking of how this is going to be a hard drive home, the finish comes into view. Not like a huge finish line but, the place we all started and there is music from the radio station. I can hear it. And as I come stumbling into the finishers area, I smile and ask where is a restroom. I sat down afterwards and am amazed at the feat I just finished. I can barely move. Driving home is going to be lots of fun, and I look at my watch, it’s 3.30 exactly when I get there. I did this in under 9 hours.

What did I take out of this? I think for me it was a matter of am I able to do it. I wanted to know that when the time comes, I know my body is able to try to run a full marathon, and maybe one day an ultra. Both of these have yet to come to pass, but, February is going to be here sooner than I know if I don’t plan this out properly. I want to do well when I set myself out to do something. I don’t just want to finish it. I did it also because I wanted to. Why wouldn’t I want to try myself? This kind of distance is a test of physical limits for me. I didn’t have the problems with the mental part of it that I had wondered if I would have to deal with. I felt sick and didn’t want to move, so it was much more of a problem for my body than my head. Also, sunscreen!! And a hat. And more sunscreen. It was an adventure for sure. One that I am so glad that I did, and one that I will likely do again in the future. I would like to think that I would be able to stay with the group next time, but, you never really know what the future holds. For now, I will stick to my normal stuff and I will love every minute of it. I will remember how grateful I am that I am able to move and run and walk as much as I do. I will smile and be as helpful as possible to others when I can.

The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

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Perseverance: Just Keep Swimming

There are good days and then there are the days where it’s a struggle to do damn near everything. We all have days like these ones. The coffee isn’t made in the morning, your stomach is hurting from whatever food or drink you consumed sometime earlier, your job isn’t as fun as you want it to be and yet you still get up. You go make the coffee, silently scolding yourself for forgetting it the night before. Instead of just chilling on Facebook, you notice that not only did the coffee not get done, but, in fact, neither did the dishes.

This was me today. Begrudgingly doing the dishes that I should have finished last night. I could be angry about it, but, now my kitchen is clean and the coffee is fresh and I, not my husband, get that first cup of hot liquid warm heaven. The smell makes you smile, the aroma is fresh and somehow soothes your mind. Still tired, I headed back up the stairs and begin getting ready for the morning run. Today’s training plan called for 54 minutes at a 5/1 run/walk. I am brushing my teeth and my alarm goes off, time to workout it reminds me. I finish brushing, take my meds and all of the sudden my stomach does it’s thing. Pooping right now isn’t what I want to do. And then the stomach cramps begin. Dammit, I knew deep dish pizza would kick my ass, I just hate when I forget it’s first thing in the morning that it does that. Ugh. Finally make it out the door, 20 minutes later..

Started the clock, here we go. The music is good today, I love my running playlist. My day doesn’t feel right if I don’t listen to this music at least once a day. Strange, but true. I haven’t been really good about running for a spell. In fact, in training for my next race, which is a half relay with my little sister in June, I haven’t don’t much for the last three weeks. I feel bad about it. Not only that, I have a 30 mile walk I’m doing next weekend. I want to see how that goes.

I started to get a little fluffier than I like around the middle. I am having some clothes made for work, and when I saw the number for my waist measurement, I wanted to cry. I am sure I have never been that big, save when I was pregnant 13 years ago. I have to change this shit. So, back to training I went last week. I have began to include some core work as well as making sure I stretch. Can’t hurt to have a strong core and back, makes for better posture and better running. I need that. So, here it is a week later, and I have been pretty good about doing what is needed for training. Went back to my food journal, staying away from sugar as much as possible. Not like I’m dieting or anything, but, I don’t need to have candy for a snack. I can eat other things that aren’t so bad, like fruit or nuts.

Here’s the caveat. In not running for a few weeks, and then all of the sudden start running like I never stopped, I have been dealing with shin splints for a bit now. That hurts like a big dog. Wow. This morning, was no exception. My left lower leg is starting to adjust to it again, while my right lower leg is just not giving up even with the stretching. Maybe my husband is right and my heels for work are starting to mess with my running. We can’t have that shit!!

With the running, comes my desire to allow myself the freedom of maybe one day, do what I want to do. I would love to go back to massage and work for myself. Maybe one day teach massage. But more than that, I want to write about my running. I want to revisit the ideas I have for writing. I want to make a living out of it. And do better than what I do now financially and be able to have more freedom. So, with that in mind, I will persevere.

Here’s to you, dear reader, and here’s to your continued support. May the writing be grammatically correct, and the words strung together in a manner that keeps the mind interested. Peace, friends.