It’s been a long time since I have thought about certain aspects of my life. I think after this evenings triggering, many miles are needed on figuring out how to work with/through it.
Bear with me, dear reader, I’m a bit shaky right now and will have to re-read this in hopes that it’s not too crazy. But not like the, oh that’s a wild fun story crazy, the kind that make your heart beat hard and you can’t breathe and you have to pace for a while…
Anyhow, let me explain. This past two weeks have been, well, three weeks now, have been challenging to say the least. With so much going on, I have tried to relieve stress and have not had a lot of good luck with that. I am grateful that I have not eaten my body weight in Ben and Jerry’s dairy free ice cream. I took a break and was sitting on the back deck just sitting in my swinging chair. I went in to the house and Tom is watching a movie, GreyHound??, with Tom Hanks and I watched with him for a few moments. There was a part where his character sounds general quarters. Now for those not familiar with this, it’s when a ship goes on high alert for enemy engagement. Everyone runs to their assigned spots and does what is needed while making sure to have what’s called Flashgear on. It’s super sexy, let me tell you. 😑.
For whatever reason, this set me off. I had to come upstairs and I was shaking my head and memories came flooding back. Many of all kinds and this then threw me into a panic attack. Yay panic attack. Knowing that it will pass, I did exactly what I’ve watched my husband do for three weeks, pace the floor in our bedroom while talking to myself. Dammit! It’s been years since this has happened.
I tried to put music on, but it’s not helping as much as I wanted it to.
Two days later…
The following day I woke up still out of sorts. I took my computer and worked out of the office for half the day. It wasn’t too bad of a day. I’m glad to go back tomorrow. I slept pretty good and today I didn’t go in. Had other things to do. I am hoping for good thing from that so fingers crossed but I will have to see how things play out for it.
Today was better. Took the dog for a walk this morning. Would like to again tomorrow. Not sure how cold it will be but I’m always prepared. Or almost always prepared. Even have a new dog coat so she can run in the rain and snow and not get soaking wet. I’m stoked about it.
Will have to go now. I’m getting tired and it’s time to put the phone down and go to bed. Good night for now…
The Morning High Runner 