23January2024
This weekend it was rainy and so I was able to take a walk, but, it’s been raining since then and with that comes a lot of mud for both the Yolandi Dog and I. She gets the worst of it though, all her little paws wet and muddy and she doesn’t even try to walk in the snow to clean them off when we get home. What she will need is a bath when we get home. That’s a wet smelly mess in the winter. I did find a cool dog towel for her to use in the winter that will stay on her so there is that.
I was also able to get less far on one of my sewing projects done than I wanted to. Would have been better if I had not had to take off the waistband twice. Now it just lays in the cubby just ready to be finished. But, with that kind of progress, I have found out exactly what the instructions were talking about in regards to the length of it. So, this should make the next three a little easier. I also got some little cute buttons to put on it and a sugar skull patch for this one. I was also thinking a thin strip of pink ribbon along the bottom of it. That would be super cute. I feel like this will be a good thing going forward.
In the midst of all of the things that I am working through, I had some more hard truths pointed out. It’s good to know where I stand, but I feel that at the same time, I thought I was making progress. Baby steps are ok with me, but they are slow to come. I sometimes feel like I should be different by now I have been working on this for long enough. Habits are hard to break though. And the more I sit and think about it, the more I have to go back in my mind and try to remember years and days and events that have shaped me into the current wound up tighter than a clock ball of nervous slush that I am now. However, there is a silver lining to it all. Recently, I have been seeing a lot of things on somatic releases. I went onto one of the websites and did some digging. All of the things that I feel are going on in my life are all signs of stuck trauma and tight muscles, keeping my body in a constant state of stress inducing life. It is a little reassuring to know that this particular workout has a 99.99% success rate of releases within about a 6 week time frame. But they advertise it as a 30 day course so I guess you could keep repeating the routine until you’re satisfied.
As I was getting a massage this afternoon, I kept thinking about what was going on in my life when I started to become like this. There was some pretty heavy shit going on, so it seems, at least in my own mind, there is a good reason why I have become the way that I am. Now the thing becomes how to release it. How do I reset my nervous system? I tried to think of how I was during massage school and all the things that I was going through at that time. I was working full time, I had sent Little Gotro to live with her dad while I was going to massage school, and that tore me up so much. I hated not being around her and I hated that I had no control over anything in her life. I was worried about grades and not doing well in school. I was worried all the time. And yet somehow, I managed to come out of this shell that I had been living in for so long.
I’m in that shell again now. Only this time it’s from all of life. Going back to massage school isn’t really an option for me right now either. And if I was able to go back to massage school, I would chose to go with yoga instructor to go with it. What a dream! I will have to get out of this shell without the help of massage and yoga, or maybe that’s exactly what I need. More massages and more yoga and more breath work. Interesting idea there.
05February2024
Funny, I was just talking to Thomas about that kind of thing.. What was going on two years after we started living together. And out of all of this, I picked up a book about yoga the other day. This was a book I had bought around the time of massage school and I have really not picked it up except for looking at the photos of the poses. No, not the Kama Sutra. I have that book as well and I have read a lot of it. Like the beginning of the book where it talks about choosing a mate, how to kiss and all kinds of other ways to be intimate without ever taking your clothes off. Anyhow, the book I have is called Sexy Yoga. Designed to be done as a couple to be able to enjoy sex in new ways. Reading the beginning of the book, as you should when reading, it talks about a lot of stuck energy in the chakras. And it all came into focus for me.
When I was younger, and in massage school, I was just divorced and had been dating and it didn’t work out for me. I moved in with my parents again. During school I had to take a class called introduction to alternative medicine. This introduced a lot of different thoughts to me and I loved learning about all of it. My ideas about life changed dramatically. I changed a great deal as well. Some of these changes involved how I felt about life in general as well as different ways that other cultures use to heal. I was hooked on energy work. My first experience with it was taking a class, Reiki. I loved it. I have never felt so connected to everything as I did then. It was such a wonderful time.
This book, Sexy Yoga, was going over chakras and it was like a light went on in my head. After a time of not using this work, not working on myself, I have forgotten about all the things that I learned that made me feel alive. So, with that in mind, I’m going to go over all of the poses in this book and begin with the Glowing Solo section of the book for a while. I am grateful for all of this coming together like this all at once.
25February2024
My hands are so cold right now, I am having a hard time typing. Is forward movement possible? Yes. It is. This isn’t a short term ride thing. Forward progress takes an actual commitment to what you said you were going to do. It’s not easy, but I have been working on my plan. Both, with my running and with my goals for sewing. I have other goals as well but that’s being tracked in a different way.
For the purpose of my own accountability, I have finished one of the skirts, and mailed it. It was the only one that needed to be mailed. I have begun putting the tiers together on the second skirt. There is a very beautiful silver ribbon on the bottom hem of the skirt. It’s going to be very beautiful against the dark purple. And the best news of the week is that I have purchased a new sewing machine and I can’t wait to get it. I might actually pin the next levels together so when it gets here, it’s going to be off and running that night… Supposed to be here on Tuesday. Two days. I’m stoked.
For running, I have made sure to take a fews days off, but I have worked out 22 of the 25 days of the month thus far. I have done long runs for the last three Sunday’s. Not very long, but I have done the loop around the lake, which is 4.45 miles. I have made an effort to work out or run daily and I have noticed how much good it’s doing for me. Well, I think it’s doing me good. I have had a day or two where I have eaten far too many sweets and I can feel it for the few days following that. This week has been no exception. I bought a big thing of Red Vines. Thinking I was only going to have a few daily. One before a run for some energy. And then I had three after the run today. And more coffee. I had a smoothie for lunch and I haven’t eaten a whole lot since then. Though now, I have some fresh popcorn with garlic and rosemary on it.. Oh my, it’s very delicious.
And on a seperate note, I have begun using my water pick for my teeth and while it does need to be done in the shower, I am enjoying how it makes my gums tingle afterwards. Mostly I’m just hoping that it will help keep me from having to floss. I can handle doing that nightly.
So yes, there is good forward progress. I am grateful for all of it.
The Morning High Runner 