I have been wanting to write so much lately and when I think about it, and I get my computer out, there is nothing that I can think of to say. I love writing and going through my last few posts, the very sparatic writing that I have been doing in the last year, and I really like the idea of taking an idea and go with it. Much like I did in 4th grade and in 8th grade, or was it 7th grade??? Must have been 8th grade. I have looked at some writing prompts and been trying to decide if any of these ideas would be something that I would like to write about. I miss those kind of assignments. So I have found one that I wanted to take a stab at tonight. The prompt: What advice would you give your younger self?
Now for this I have to assume my younger self would be someone around the age of my daughter, 17 or so. Now to paint the picture of my life at that time. 17 was a fun year. The summer before I turned 17, I had been grounded and it was for a while and I got a job to have something to do. This was when being grounded meant that I couldn’t watch TV, or take or make phone calls, or go play. Most of the time I would have my skates and tiny stereo taken away as well. That was the most horrible toruture that I could ever get. I hated it. With this time that I was in trouble, I had a driver’s license, but I had my keys taken away. There was a guy that worked where I worked that I really liked. Oh my gosh!! I was so obsessed with him, it was, likely, borderline stalker kind of shit. I’m sorry. It’s true. I was so head over heels infatuated with him. I didn’t care about school like I had before. I wasn’t in band anymore and that was a hard hand to be dealt. Not only was I not in band for the first time in 7 years, I wasn’t as interested in school like I had been. Work was taking up a lot more time that I wanted it to and when I got paid, it was gone way faster than I thought it would be. I hated that. I wasn’t exactly the happiest teenager either. With not being in band, I had lost some of the friends that I was used to. I was more lost than I had been the year before. Not only was I working and band was gone, I started working Sunday’s more and more and that meant the friends I had that we went to church together, I no longer had that support system either. I started making work friends, but I missed my other friends. I missed band more than I can say. I missed being a part of that group and I missed performing and the games, and I missed doing track and speech and debate. I didn’t miss one person who liked to be as mean as she could be to me. She wasn’t nice, she was a shit-talker and while I hate her with a burning flaming passion for being a complete cunt of a human being, I still wouldn’t wish divorce on her.
As you can see, I wasn’t the happiest person. I longed for a bus to hit me to get me out of my life. My home life, other than being grounded, wasn’t bad at all. I got a long with my parents, and my little sister. I had my own room, a big deal for someone who shared rooms for many long years, and in it was a walk thru closet and a full size bathroom. I love the window in the shower that would give so much light!! My room was big enough that I could fit (after many years of being gone), a king size bed, a dresser and nightstand, a bookshelf, an oversized chair and ottoman and a small entertainment center with movies and a TV. At the time, I had a double sized bed, a couch and coffee table and my double desk/dresser and a lot of wasted space. I think everyone should have a room that size growing up, and as an adult. It’s a nice thing to have that much room. I love having a sitting space in my room to just chill. And then for a while I had a twin size bed in there as well. It’s my room. I love it still.
As an unhappy person, who was on the brink of a really bad depression, I had heard my mom tell me over and over that life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. What you put out in the world, is exactly what you’re going to get out of it. I thought she was just blowing smoke up my ass. Wow, it’s weird when you come to the realization that if you only listened.. So much heartache could have been prevented. But my own advice would be much different.
I would start by saying that it’s going to be ok and just relax. Things are over the top and every thing feels like the end of the world, and it’s not. You’re going to be a lot better than you know. Don’t fret about your weight. It’s because you’re allergic to the things that you love the most; eggs and cows milk. If you want to lose weight, stop eating that shit forever!! Take your health seriously. Don’t do too much stupid shit. Health starts with your mouth, take better care of your teeth. Having cavities is still no fun. Realize that there are more than 5 billion (at that time of course) people on the world. There is no doubt that there will be more than only one person to love you. Don’t be so eager and desperate for love. When you stop trying so hard, it comes so much easier. This can be true for change. Don’t fight it so hard. Change can be scary, but it doesn’t mean it’s bad. Have more courage to stand up for yourself. Stop allowing others to walk all over you. You are not a doormat. You have more talents than you know. Pick one and really put effort into it. Dedicate yourself to this passion. And if you’re not obsessed with it, do something else. Don’t be so closed minded about what kind of experiences you want to have. You never know what kind of fun you may have if you allow yourself. Let go of hating your body. The minute you start to love it, the more fun you can have with it. You can enjoy yourself in ways that are not yet known to you. Be patient. It’ll happen. You know that feeling you get when you had a really good workout in track, and you’re breathless and feeling amazing? Keep running. I know that running further than a half mile seems like a marathon to you, but you can do it. You can run and it’s going to feel so good. You can’t even know how much it will change your life. All for the better too. What you think is just a fun way to get out of class again, will give you a sense of freedom of mind that will unlock your potential in ways that give you a sense of peace and pride. You will go through all sorts of things in you head and it will all come together and you will work it out. Your legs will look amazing and when you train like an athlete, you start to treat you body like an athlete and that is what you want to do. You want to give yourself that kind of care. Please please please, stretch. Warm up before you run for a few minutes and stretch. Get involved in yoga and never stop. You can do the splits and not hurt yourself. And if you don’t listen to anything I have said (which I know that I would let it go in one ear and out the other), please, remember the running and stretching. Trust me.
I am hoping to be doing this more. The prompts I mean. Hopefully, dear reader, you too will take this advice and take it to heart. Running and stretching are by far my most important. I don’t want to change the past to make a better future. I love my life. I love being able to run in the mornings and work out. I love doing my morning walks with my little goose. I love waking up next to this man of mine. I wouldn’t want to change a single thing. It would mean a change in the current outcome. I like where I am right now. I’m striving to be better and get better but as it is, I’m pretty stoked about it. Any deviation from what I have done, would mean that I wouldn’t be here. I love my kids and my grandkids, and I love my husband. But maybe this would have made me feel a little better about life in general.
Ok, well, it’s now time to come to a close. Good night, dear reader. Here’s hoping for you have a great run tomorrow 😎
The Morning High Runner 