In the years that I have been running, I think seven now, I have had to read about female after female after female who went out for a run and never came back. The headlines were recently ablaze with the news of runner Eliza Fletcher in Memphis, Tennessee. The story is not far from other women who went out for their run, sometimes trying to decompress after a long day and sometimes first thing in the morning. They are approached and then gone. The running community does our best to try to understand it and we hope that they will be alive, but the all too familiar grim reality is that she isn’t coming home again.
The first time I really remember hearing about it the dangers of going out as a woman, I was young, almost 13 in fact. It was 1992, in September. Living in the mountains as I did growing up, and even living there now, news from Phoenix seemed like it’s from a whole other world. But I can remember it vividly. A woman’s body was found by a runner in the early morning hours. She had gone out on a bike ride down by the canal. And then a few days later, they found her head. Ten months later, another young girl went out for her bike ride down by the canal, and she was found in the canal, headless. Just like before. And to get off on a tangent for moment, if I may, dear reader, after 20 years, they have just made an arrest after a DNA test confirmed the identity of a man who police say is responsible for both of these crimes (I say just, it was in July they made an arrest). He is 42 years old. That’s my age. This is to imply that a kid is the one who did this. It’s something that makes it all the more grotesque and horrible.
The conversation all remains the same when this happens. Women all over the internet, from running groups asking the same question; what do we do to protect ourselves? The issue I have with that is that you’re placing the blame of these attacks on the women who never come home. Was she asking for it because she was alone, wearing clothes, or listening to music, doing what made her happy? The problem isn’t what should she do different, the problem lies with men who attack women. I’m shocked that it’s seems like such a foreign idea to teach men not to attack others.
The day of my injury (I tore my hamstring. It really hurt.) was the day after Eliza went missing. I have longed to run for her, to finish her run for her, to let my heart ache with the knowledge that this doesn’t have to happen. I think I’m a lucky person because I run with my dog and other things. I wanted to support this because it’s something that I have to worry about.
There are PSA commercials about this now to try to bring some light and understanding to the topic. Or so I thought there have been. I was sure one of the companies that I follow on Instagram had put out an amazing ad where they followed different females running in the dark and they are reading their inner thoughts. About everything, how much our safety comes to mind and how much do we really think about things like that. I was sure that it was done by Noxgear.com but I can’t find it anywhere under any keywords, so, guess I was wrong. The point is this. It’s not something that is an unknown thing. We know all too well that far too many women go out for a run and never come home. They never get to finish their day.
My husband wants me to carry a firearm while I run. Should we carry a firearm while we run? Should we not run in the morning, should we not run at night? I run with my dog, pepper spray and a knife. I also get to wonder if the dog poop that I’m carrying is going to make a good deterrent to would be attackers. Will I carry a firearm while running? I don’t know if I’m there yet. I’m considering it for sure, but, then I think about the weight from everything else that I already carry, if the spray and knife and dog shit don’t keep them away, are they really going to stop if I pull out a firearm? It’s likely that they would, but, then I sit and question why do I have to take so many mother fucking things with me just to stay safe while I go run?
I will acknowledge that it’s not all men who are the problem. It’s those few out there who just don’t respect women in general just because she is a woman. She is subservient to man. If she does something he likes, he will let her know, and if she does something that displeases him, he will let her know. And if she should say no to him, he will announce his presence with authority. …. I have to say, I had finished this whole post and since I forgot to refresh the browser, I lost the last half of it.. Dammit. I hope this is as good as what I had the first time… I digress.
It gives way to the question that seems to elude me. What is it about the word no that so many don’t seem to understand? If you ask her out and she says no, that’s ok. Accept that she said no and move on. Defeat is a part of life and so is being told no. She doesn’t have to have a reason to say no either. Here is her reason, she said no. That’s it. That’s the whole reason. Learn to accept this, it’s part of life. Life is unfair, get used to it now. Women already know this. This is a man’s dominated world, and we have grown up in it. We know that it’s unfair. We feel this a lot. You need to understand that as well.
On any given morning run, I have my dog, my pepper spray, knife, and water. I have to be aware of my surroundings, as I live in the mountains and there are animals out there. I have to be aware of the driver coming at me with his brights on to see me better, I have to be aware of snowplows and blizzards. But I have to be even more aware because I am always wondering is today the day I have to defend myself? Is this the day where my life is in jeopardy and I have to fight for it? It’s not fair that Eliza didn’t come home. It’s not fair that Mollie Tippetts didn’t come home. It’s not fair that any of the many other women who went out for a run and didn’t come home. They deserved to finish that day. They deserved to be able to go out for a run and live. They all deserved a better ending than that. The running community is a large group and we feel this when it happens. It ripples through all of us.
The first time that I really felt that rippIe, I had only been running for a year or two and Mollie Tippetts went missing. I was so angry and hurt over it. I remember the rage flowing through me morning after morning going out and running, feeling furious about it all. That feeling is there every time I hear about a woman who went for a run and didn’t come home. How dare he think this was ok?! And the sad news is that Eliza wasn’t the first, and she’s not going to be the last either.
Years later, I still feel the same rage, though at this point I have been unable to do any running in Eliza’s honor. That torn hamstring is a real pain in the ass. I want to though. I want to go out and finish her run. I want to finish all of the runs of the ones who went out and didn’t come home. It’s so horribly unfair, and yet it’s going to happen again. Why is that? No woman goes out for a run, that I know of at least, looking to get kidnapped with a slew of possible outcomes to that one. What is it about her saying no? I really just don’t understand it.
I know so many men who would say that not all men are like that and they are absolutely right. And so, dear reader, if you’re still with me, I will ask of you and these men who are not the ones attacking women to please, please teach others about this. Teach your sons and your sons’ friends, and young men and old men and all of your friends and your neighbors, as well as your coworkers this; She just wants to go for a run and be left the fuck alone. She doesn’t want to hear you jeering at her about how she would be pretty if she was smiling, or if what she’s wearing is pleasing or not to you. No, it’s not being friendly, it’s being a creep. She can wear whatever she likes and that’s perfectly ok without you having to interject your opinion of it. Let her finish her run and go home. And don’t be the asshole who says oh she lead me on because she talked to you. She deserves to be able to say no without reason or cause to your advancements.
I feel much like a broken record about now. If the sport is such a danger, why do I still go out? Because I refuse to let them win. I will not bow down and be afraid to go out and run. If I have to defend myself, then I take that chance. With so much good that comes out of the running, I will take that chance and so will others and we will not go quietly into the night. We will run together and we will make our voices heard.
The Morning High Runner 