I see it all the time on social media. I have lost my motivation, how do I get it back? I don’t usually comment on those posts. I don’t have any thing to say that people want to hear. I feel that it’s not so much that we lose motivation, it’s that we lose the mood we were in when we said we would do whatever it is. I find that is true of running a lot. I have a lot of aspirations when it comes to running. I always tend to think that I will get up on time and be able to get out of the house on time and be back and able to get ready for work on time. I think that. But, reality usually knows a different story when it comes to that kind of evening motivation that rarely comes to me in the morning.
I’m not an expert on anything. Nor am I some sort of inspiration to others, though, I would like to think that I have influenced my girls to make good choices. I know some things about many things. What I know about running, has taken me years of doing it myself, years of watching and learning from other runners and just taking a chance once in a while. I don’t train in a way that makes sense to the majority of runners. There is no training in fact. I just go and see how it feels. There are even days when I have lost motivation to do the run and I let the dog chose how far we go and what direction we go in.
But we keep going. The why is important to some. They want to make someone proud. They want to see what they are capable of. They want to make better choices for their families. They want to be around for their children. And the list goes on and on for everyone of those people who have a reason to motivate and go.
For others, the why is no longer a thing to concern yourself with. It’s now a habit. You get up, you change into the gear and you lace up and go. Or you wait until the end of the day and go when the work is done. Sometimes those are the only reasons that you get up. That run. It’s second nature and you don’t even think about it.
I too have got to that point of losing the desire to run. It was about a year ago and it began slowly. I was so depressed that I actually made a call to get help. Took almost 9 months to get it but that’s beside the point. I felt like I was lost in a life that made no sense. I wanted to get better. I wanted to run. I wanted to feel that joy in my life again. It was hard. It was really hard and I had to navigate those waters alone. Not because I didn’t have others around me to help, but, when I feel like I did, all I wanted was someone to notice how bad I was getting. I wanted someone to say something that they noticed and yet, I couldn’t reach out to anyone. All I wanted was to hide and observe and then feel sorry for myself because life wasn’t going the direction I wanted. When it comes to our motivation, a lot of that comes from what’s going on with us in our heads. Life happens in such an abrupt way that it can sideswipe us and we never know what hit us.
To answer the obvious question, dear reader, I didn’t have anyone help to get me out of that rut. I knew from the years of running that I had under my belt, that the one thing that I was so desperate to do but couldn’t do, was run. I know exactly how good it feels to put in a good 5 miles before work. And that feeling when I get out of the shower after running those 5 miles is one of the best feelings I have. And yet. It was like everything in me just wanted to stay in bed and not get up at all. I would sit and take photos of the dog instead as she would sit on my lap. She’s such a pretty girl! So, what was it? I signed up for a race. A big one. The big one. For the first time, Boston had opened the race to virtual entries for 70K people. I saw that and I jumped on it.
After seeing that it was going to be needing to be done on the weekend before the race itself in Boston, I would have to complete it between the 8th and 10 of October. Well, that seemed pretty great since my birthday is the 9th of October. 42km for my 42nd birthday, seemed likes a great day. This is a big deal, Boston isn’t just any old race. It’s the coup de grace of races. This was the motivating factor in me getting my running back.
I had planned out the whole training sessions, and wrote it all down and had in on my dresser and each day I had planned out two workouts. I was very motivated. I wanted to do it all so well. What happened you ask? I know you did, because the last few times I wrote, it was long before getting the race done.
Not everyday was hard, but, everyday, I had to make the choice to make the effort. I had bad mornings when I just didn’t want to get out of bed at all, and I had days where I really wanted to just be left alone. When I got a new job and my working hours changed drastically, I had to make the effort to get up earlier than I was and get my butt out on the road for those morning runs. Slowly but surely, I started to feel a little better. I noticed it little by little. I would feel great after running in the morning again, I would sleep better, and when the desire struck me to be intimate, I would go for it.. (though to be honest and fair, that didn’t start until I was taking meds for depression and anxiety). The week of the race finally got there. I had planned it out and knew the route I was going to do. I had gotten my outfit all ready and all my supplies ready. My husband dropped me off 13 miles from my house. I would have to double that along the way to get all 42 kilometers. I didn’t plan as well as I had thought. I finished, but, had to stop twice to recharge my phone since I used the app for the marathon, and I didn’t want to lose that since my phone was dying. I didn’t have a jacket on, just a long sleeve shirt and shorts. I didn’t have a hat and the wind was horrible!! The last half mile, my husband ran with me so I didn’t have my phone die at the very end. I was so grateful that it finally got the full distance about a quarter mile from my house. I was cold and tired and I hurt. A great deal. And the service I got for dinner that night was super shitty. Which was a bummer since I love that place. About a day later, I was already getting a sinus infection that could have been gone sooner, if I had done what I needed to do.. But I didn’t think of that for a long time. Two weeks in fact.
The race itself was hard, and I always finish a race thinking that I could have done better if I had only (fill in the blank). I know I could have done better, but, my planning was poor. However, it had the desired effect. It pulled the depression out of me for a while and got me to get up and work towards something. By the time I got to the race day, I felt mostly normal again. What happened afterwards for two full months is a story for another time though.
Motivation isn’t something you can get from others. You can be inspired to do things, but, you have to have something to fall back on when it comes to staying motivated to run. It’s not about losing motivation or losing your inspiration. It’s a commitment you make to yourself to take care of you. Running isn’t going to change the world and it’s not going to make you leap tall buildings in a bound. You’re not likely to save someone or come upon someone who is dead on a trail, despite what crime shows like to believe… Again, a topic for another time… You’re likely to fix you. You may figure things out in your head about why you are this way, why your family is this way. When my little sister comes to visit, I have to run miles and miles and miles and miles to get through to deal with it. It’s about finding the peace inside of yourself. That’s it right there. It’s a desire to feel that peace that comes when you have an amazing run. It’s the desire to feel like you can do anything. It’s the desire to be better than you were yesterday.
Not everyone will feel the same way I do, and they will have other ways to get back the motivation that you lost. But, again, it’s not really about motivation. It’s a commitment. And one that so many of us chose to make daily, weekly, monthly, yearly to be a better version of ourselves. Don’t relay on others to give you motivation.. be motivated by seeing what you can do, and then do it. You’re going to surprise yourself. Trust me 😎
As a point of reference, my husband did tell me to get out of bed a lot. He said that this isn’t just some race, it’s fucking Boston. Get up and go.
The Morning High Runner 