Letting the Music Shuffle

On mornings when I am able to get out of bed on time and take off like I need to, I have a set playlist of music that I am always listening to. However, some mornings, like today, I put on Pandora and I let her dictate what comes up. I like that it gives me music I don’t have in my collection and I get to hear all sorts of cool stuff.

To be fair, I really didn’t want to get out of bed this morning. Shocking, I know. But the dreams were too bizarre to keep going. I could hear the dog outside wanting to come in, and once I let her in and got up, there was no telling her that we weren’t going to go. She sat down on the bathroom floor and glared at me. I could take the hint today. So I compromised with her and we did a little mile and a half walk. My body has been hurting which is why it’s been so hard for me to get up. I think I broke the bed again… dammit.

So, made it out the door. Decided that whatever I was listening to on Pandora the day before would be fine for the walk, so 90’s Pop it was. So much of what I remember growing up is in this time frame. I remember a lot before that, but, this was my teens and the years that I should be able to remember the most of. The music is what always sticks out with me. I like to think of that time in life when I let the music shuffle.

Take today’s song that really stuck out with me. It wasn’t a song that I remember hearing before, but, I knew the artist and album when it came on. The sound was so familiar. Sure enough, when I took my phone out of my belt, it was The New Radicals. The song was Mother We Just Can’t Get Enough. If you haven’t had the chance to hear it, take a listen. It’s brilliant! In the notes I always seem to think of Trisha. I have such lovely memories of us together. I love her still, after these 20 plus years. I still call her mom, Diane, Mom. Diane and I are 20 years apart.

I first met Diane when I was 16, just shy of my 17th birthday. The summer I got the job, I had fallen for this guy and he worked at the grocery store. I thought he was the bees knees… totally fell in love with him. The summer hadn’t been the best. I had gone to the valley with our church youth group and had a blast and we went to Sunsplash after a conference of sorts. Instead of going home with the group at the end of the night, I was going to stay for a few weeks with my grandma. My older sister came to pick me up and I was going to spend the night with her and in the morning, go to my grandparents house. I stayed the weekend because Crystal had asked my grandma if that was ok. She said yes… at least that’s what I remember. After getting to her house on Monday or Sunday night, I had a phone call from my dad. He was livid. Unbeknownst to me, there was a reason why he didn’t want me to spend the weekend there, and we got into a fight, and I said, “I’m 16, I have rights!”. That wasn’t the right thing to say. I was on my way home the next morning or the morning following. I had my keys taken away and I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere or do anything. I was stuck. No phone, no TV, the worst kind of grounded. I was able to go to my grandma’s birthday party with my parents, and then home. For my mom’s birthday party about a week later, Aaron was there. Wow… After that night, I just adored him. In realizing that he worked at the grocery store, I came to the conclusion that if I could get a job there, I would be allowed out of the my house, and I could make money and then, the best part, I would get to see him. And talk to him.

I remember just starting and I hadn’t been out of the floor for more than a day and I saw him. And he said hello and smiled at me and I was fucking floating I was so happy. Yada yada yada, I met Diane within that first week of being there. She had a daughter who was a year older than me, in school and damn near exactly a year in age. Eventually, we became friends, Trisha and I that is. We were together all the time. She was the best friend that I had ever had. We would drive around town, in her Dodge something car. Little, purple. I broke the door.. Rather, I didn’t break the door, it broke after I had gotten into it. And, though it seems easy to do the Dukes of Hazard style of getting in and out of the vehicle, it wasn’t as easy as it was made out to be. And I was ever so slightly less elegant than John Schneider. One of my favorite photos was of me the day that the door broke with my fingers on the window looking out, you can only see my eyes, but you can see the smile.. I was in so much trouble 🙂

After I graduated, we lived together for a short while. I was new to adulting and didn’t do a good job of it. I learned much and it took it’s toll of her and I. She had the CD Maybe You’ve Been Brainwashed Too by The New Radicals. I loved signing in the car with her to that disc. We had a blast being friends.

She and I see each other from time to time, our kids are close in age, though her son is a grade ahead of my daughter. I love and I tell her that each time I see her.

I enjoying getting to mix up the music that I listen to when I am awake and doing anything and what kind of wonderful things I will remember. A lot of the music in the 90’s was sad and depressing and it made me just not enjoy life. Honestly, I didn’t like myself growing up and that made it really hard to be able to enjoy the childhood that I had. I am so grateful for my family, my friends at the time, my experiences, they helped to make me the person I am today. I wouldn’t trade it. Yeah, it wasn’t always fun, but, you get through the bad parts and focus your energy on the present. Only a fool trips on what’s behind him.

With luck, tomorrow I will feel good enough to run again. I have to, marathon training begins soon and I would like to be able to push myself for this. I want to do it right. I want to finish, but it would be amazing to do it with some speed too. The music will likely be the normal Running playlist as well, but, that is always on shuffle. Everyday is a winding road. Hopefully the music will speak to my soul and move my feet down the road a little faster than the day before.